Oh, Avalon
I was talking to one of my oldest friends and he mentioned that basically having each other in our group of friends, was what saved us when we were younger. And I agree. The notion that we are self-sufficient is a nice, but misguided idea. We do need our peers, especially when we're queer and definitely when we cannot or will not hide that queerness.
This is more or less what he said:
"...A repressed tear. What if wearing a little mascara would distract you from the pain? A pair of heels and a crown that would distract you while the fags who could not escape floated downstream. An orgasm, simulating an encounter that was not supposed to happen, just to avoid their own homophobia. Books and theories with which to hallucinate, in order not to face that unbearable reality of the guns and violence that took some of my people. A Vogue magazine that that would give you a reason to exist. A remix of your favorite song. Sweat in a body that sought to exist between rhythm and dance steps, between feathers and laughter; so that cortisol would not kill us all with depression."
I know, he can get a little e.e. cummings sometimes, but I hope you understand the feeling. We would not have survived our formative years without each other's complicity, without each other's presence and without each other’s support. As long as we felt comfortable expressing who we were, we were ok. We somehow let each other mature into what we wanted to be.
Mark and his tribe found each other in Arkansas and became family, the same way that I and my friends found each other and became our own chosen family. None of us ever did drag, though. Some of us got into creative professions and some of us went to do quite mundane things, but all of us kept that sense of individuality that was nurtured when we were young. Some of us are writers, and photographers, and work in the public eye. All of us are still fiercely ourselves to this day and I think that the sense of being part of a tribe was absolutely necessary to create that strong sense of self.
So, to all my friends (you know who you are, some of you even read this blog), thank you. Without you I would not be the weird, outrageous, deranged, fearless individual I am today. You are my tribe.
Happy Pride!
Happy LGBTQ+ Month!
XOXO
P.S. did you spot the Ru girls in the video?
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What a lovely idea. And how great is it that they've kept it together this long and been so successful with it. This type of communal living takes a lot of self-awareness and sacrifice. The common good , etc. It does not work when everybody is only interested in their own agenda. Inconsideration and selfishness cannot be tolerated. Good for them. I was part of two acting troupes in the early 80's. Because we were so myopic, while we produced shows, the concepts failed because we were all so myopic and defensive. We failed to celebrate our differences. Instead they were used as wedges against one another. Avalon is creative utopia. Truly amazing. Thanks for sharing, hon.
ReplyDeleteThey had the right instinct when they banded together.
DeleteSo insightful and so mature for their years. I was impressed. It's a collective made of individuals ; being creative is their daily bread.
And at least you know what happened with your troupe. Some people never even realize how myopic they were...
XOXO
It’s fantastic that you were able to find a supportive group that didn’t judge, but celebrated each other. Too often we feel that we are alone and must succeed on our own. Just a little encouragement does wonders for the soul. Those of us who are introverts sometime struggle in silence, not realizing that there is help and encouragement out there.
ReplyDeleteXOXO 👨🏼❤️💋👨🏽
Oh, they were awesome.
DeleteMaking it alone is scary, especially for queer kids. Especially when nobody around them seem to be like them.
A little encouragement or a friendly face do work wonders.
XOXO
That's why so many of us find our own families, for that love and support we weren't getting in our birth homes and families.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely.
DeleteOur chosen families are sometimes much more loving and powerful than our birth families. Funny how that works.
XOXO
I realize that is what I've always done: Found my own family. The close friends from HS, the military, and beyond that onstage. Even now, after the stage, at least one person from each part of my life has stuck with me and, in some instances, come together. Even here in the blog world!!
ReplyDeleteIs it survival? In a way, I guess it is. Thanks for this one, Six. Now I think I'm getting all verklempt. XOXO
We have always done that, right?
DeleteIt's survival. Ii helps us be ourselves. In't it good to keep that link with parts of our lives? To have people with us now that have been part of our journey?
Even here on blogger, we find our tribe.
XOXO
Interesting.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is.
DeleteBet you have tons of friends from way back then...
XOXO
This took me back to High School when a group banded together to create the "Non-Normals". Ha! Those were the days. I'm so glad a group like this is going on and existing. Sadly, my group started croaking out during the AIDS era. On;y The Gargoyles remain.
ReplyDeleteOMG the Non-Normals?
DeleteLove it.
And AIDS devastated the community. A whole generation of gay men was lost.
XOXO
I feel much the same way. Im am still friends with my original core group of friends since coming out, and we are all of different backgrounds, gayness, and different men, and like you all let each other be. We all still text and call each other and most of us see each through the year and each summer at my friends glamping site at the Woods. It's been now 25 years and the main group is still here. Yeah we have our own groups of friend too...the clan is like my newer group upon moving to Philly, but even our groups of friends inter mix well. We were just saying this summer, with the antics we did and the wild lifestyle we had, were lucky to all still be here, between the booze drugs and sexual antics, especially when the AIDS was still coming to a end.
ReplyDeleteWhen I befriend, and I really like you, Im loyally fierce. It's a Scorpio trait.
Twenty five years!
DeleteSame here. We've known each other for ages and even though some now live in other countries, we still keep in touch. And when we talk, it's like time has not passed and distance does not exist.
We are pretty much the same, Maddie.
XOXO
Cierto. Los amigos son la familia que uno escoge. Y ese grupo nos protegió... ¡y nos sigue protegiendo! Pasaron los años, aumentó la distancia física pero no la afectiva. Seguimos en contacto, con las risas, las lágrimas, la nostalgia, el apoyo, las llamadas de atención. ¡Ha habido y hay tanto afecto, tantas videncias, tantas emociones!
ReplyDelete¡Es tan lindo sentirnos Amigos! ¿Cierto Mana?
Vivencias, quise decir. ¿O también ha habido "Videncias"?
DeleteTotalmente!
DeleteSi vieras que Machi me ha hecho recordar todos esos tiempos. La otra tiene sus momentos. Tanto afecto no puede perderse.
Mil besos. Desde la PM...
XOXO
I use to think us as a blogfamily and in this way I write on my blog!
ReplyDelete