Tithonus

 

In Greek mythology Eos was the goddess of dawn, and Tithonus a Trojan prince and one of her many lovers. Tithonus had been very handsome, and the goddess had once fallen in love with him and asked Zeus, the father of all gods, to grant him immortality. Homer tells us how “Zeus bowed his head to her prayer and fulfilled her desire. Too simply was queenly Eos: she thought not in her heart to ask youth for him and to strip him of the slough of deadly age. So while he enjoyed the sweet flower of life he lived rapturously with golden-throned Eos, the early-born, by the streams of Ocean, at the ends of the earth; but when the first grey hairs began to ripple from his comely head and noble chin, queenly Eos kept away from his bed, though she cherished him in her house and nourished him with food and ambrosia and gave him rich clothing. But when loathsome old age pressed full upon him, and he could not move nor lift his limbs, this seemed to her in her heart the best counsel: she laid him in a room and put to the shining doors. There he babbles endlessly” (Homeric Hymn to Aphrodite, transl. by Hugh G.

TITHONUSANDEOS

I was talking to my friend Merlin awhile ago and the topic of age came up. How did it come up? Goddess only knows. When we chat, we babble about a thousand things at the same time. But it did come up. and then he did a post that inspired the Marc Jacobs post and this one. Ageing is a topic that many men (especially gay men) touch on because ageing is intrinsically tied to three things we value above most anything else: independence, health and sex appeal. Ageing is the one thing that can annihilate all three of these in a swift, merciless coup. One day you have them, the next, they're gone. But we are not the first to be focused on age, the Greek were obsessed with eternal youth and everlasting life (see Tithonous and his fate) but they were also aware of the dangers that such blessing would entail. 

Yet, Merlin, in his post points out to the fact that we forget that 'perfection' is something that we can apply to objects, but not to people: our obsession with youth and the reticence to talk about old age (we hear of anti-ageing creams, or people of 'a certain age' but we don't use the word 'old'). We think we are pushed to this extreme by social media and by advertising in general, where dewy, youthful faces and bodies tell the stories of that unattainable 'perfection' relentlessly. Ageism is everywhere. You have no idea how many times I've heard the term 'long in the tooth' or 'not acting his age' when people are talking about somebody in the public age who does not conform to what people think another person should do or look like. This becomes especially vitriolic when talking about women (Madonna, for example), actors (including porn actors) and most anybody under the public eye. But deep down, these people are only doing something that comes natural to human beings:

To be sure, we humans get used to things quite quickly, and we learn soon to put up with physical decay. Yet the progressive loss of physical beauty, at least that of youth, always produces some mental ruptures and depression. When older people succeed in overcoming these depressive reactions, they often end up by denying ageing. Most gerontological studies show that successful older people tend to cope with aging by disassociating themselves from the category of being old. They describe themselves as if they were not truly older people because they are still active and because “one is as old as he feels.” This is not surprising because in contemporary western culture social meanings attached to older age are largely negative.

MORDINI

I don't think we should deny ageing. We should acknowledge it and celebrate it. But we should allow anybody dealing with this process the freedom to deal with it at their own pace and within their own boundaries. What if Madge wants to look like an Anime character? More power to her. What if Marc decided to do a full-on facelift? I hope he enjoys it. I, for one, think that I'll embrace age. I am going to get gray and wrinkles are going to appear. I still look ok, but I know that one day I will definitely look my age and I don't think I will go to titanic extremes to prevent it to show. 

Will I use a cream here and there? I most probably will. Will I let the gray show? I have already had full-on silver or gray hair for years, so it won't be a stretch. Will I starve myself to fit in a 30 inch waist? Most probably not. Mostly because I'm already past that size. You could say I am an ageing twink, because that kind of closely describes me. But I think I have started the process of accepting myself as such. I think we all should, at one point or another, start looking at the process of ageing as something that is normal and that will happen no matter what we do. There's just so much science can do for us. I think asking Zeus for immortality is not the solution, just look at Tithonus. There is beauty in the imperfect, the gray, the slightly tarnished. And we need to learn to find it, right Merlin? 

XOXO