Orren & Robert: OTP
The thing with gay men is that people have the idea that we cannot have long lasting relationships. Well, Orren and Robert have been together for 45 years. So there's that. Here's the thing: there's nothing written about relationships the same that there's nothing written about people. You can be husband to somebody. Playmate, friend, roommate, be their everything and be committed to them. You can be all of that and more. You can be all that you can be, like in the Army, honey.
Orren and Robert are better enjoyed when you hear them talk about themselves, though. I'm just gonna write here some quotes that I feel totally left me thinking:
-I didn't know that it was love, I just knew I wanted to be with him.
-There's a lot of penises out there that you have to just sort of ... ignore...
-There's nothing different to your marriage that's any different than what we were for the first 40 years.
-We had to carry a pack of papers in the car that gave each other the right to take care of one another.
-I don't love him more than I love me. If he wants to be with me, this is what needs to happen...
-It was the first time that I told the inner child that he was loved.
-I mean, Rob is so good to me, I can't begin to tell you. But I deserve it.
-I needed to take care of myself because people didn't take care of me.
-It was all about me, I wasn't as important to her. Every mother says: "Oh I loved you, Oh, I did the best I could". No, you didn't.
-I think 'authentic' is the greatest word in the English language. You should be authentic.
-We're more comfortable together than apart.
-My body has changed a lot... so I don't feel sexy, whatever that means. But I hope that he's still attracted to me because there's no one that I'm more attracted to than him.
-If I don't like tattoos that's ok. Because I still love you and I still fuck you.
-In the gay community sexy is young.
-In gay years I'm dead. But fortunately for me, that was never a big concern.
-Your libido or whatever you wanna call it changes and you just don't need it all the time.
-It's not that I'm not interested, that's not an excuse. I'm absolutely interested. But it doesn't work the way that it used to work.
-I like his vulnerability right now. The fact that he's not in armor.
-I think holding hands is more intimate than anything.
-A huge fear for both of us is the fact that one of these days, one of us is gonna die.
-The fact is, that without Rob, there is no Orren.
I loved this interview. I loved their courage and their sincerity and their love for each other. I am totally into Orren and Robert. They're real, they're quirky and they're awesome.
XOXO
P.S. They have an Insta! LOOOOOVE!
nice couple. Everyone, especially in the gay world, has his own formula to live a relationship. Some couples are faithful and closed, some couples are open but each has sex on his own and tells the other, some couples are open but each has sex with others without telling the other, some couples are half open, in which one has sex with others and the other is not interested in having sex except with his partner. These couples are not abstractions, but I have met at least one exemplary for each type. Just find the formula and then, if love resists, as in all couples, even heterosexuals, you can go on forever.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you: Everybody has their formula.
DeleteIt's not a one-size-fits-all and we cannot expect that. Love, that is the thing one should expect.
XOXO
And let me add one thing: there are also polyamorous groups (3 or more). I think three people who love each other is obviously very difficult, but if they can, why not?
DeleteEvery relationship is different, straight, gay, bi, trans, non-binary, gender fluid etc., and if it works for both parties involved, good for them.
ReplyDeleteWhich seems simple enough, right?
DeleteWrong. Many people believe that relationships need to be a certain way, when that's an impossibility.
XOXO
To each his own, as they say. Xersex said it well, there are all sorts of successful formulas out there. If it works for you, wonderful! Who gives a fuck what others think. I think everyone is capable of finding love, and in more than one way.
ReplyDeleteXOXO 👨🏼❤️💋👨🏽
Oh absolutely.
DeleteAnd Xersex was on fire there. You are right: who gives a fuck?
XOXO
To each his own, as they say. Xersex said it well, there are all sorts of successful formulas out there. If it works for you, wonderful! Who gives a fuck what others think. I think everyone is capable of finding love, and in more than one way.
ReplyDeleteXOXO 👨🏼❤️💋👨🏽
Very Nice!
ReplyDeleteI thought they were delightful and absolutely real.
DeleteWhat a fantastic conversation.
XOXO
Lovely nuggets of info there. The secret to a long relationship really isn't a secret. Respect and love the other person enough to let little things go, let them be who they are without condemnation, be honest enough to tell them when they're being stupid or hurtful to others. Lift them up when they're down, cheer them when they succeed. Isn't that what we want for ourselves?
ReplyDeleteUnderstand they are an individual, you don't have to be mirrors because how boring would that be, anyway? XOXO
They had the most wonderful insight.
DeleteAnd you are right THAT is what we want for ourselves, so why not give it to the person we love?
And looking at a mirror can get really boring really fast, no?
XOXO
"I'm dead in gay years." That's me! lol
ReplyDeleteI talk a lot of trash on the blogs, but me and my other half have one thing in common, Commitment. Through thick and thin were are there for each other.
Hahaha
DeleteYes, I think we die as soon as we turn twenty-two.
And I think commitment is that rare of elements in a relationship that helps withstand even the hardest times....
XOXO
This statement got me:
ReplyDelete"We had to carry a pack of papers in the car that gave each other the right to take care of one another". When I was a med student, there was a man who was unconscious in the ICU. And he had the same visitor every day. And something about the way he looked at the patient let me know who they were to one another. One night, I think the prognosis was grim. And the visitor stayed beyond visiting hours (when only family members were allowed to stay). I walked into the room and tears were falling onto his arm as he held the patients. He looked up at me (thinking I was going to say he had to leave). I smiled and turned into the nurse behind me. She said "visiting hours are over". I looked at her kind of pleading and said "it's his brother". I stared into her eyes. She then said "very well" and walked away.
I don't know what happened as the next week, I was on a different rotation. But it's moments like that (as this was well over 20 years ago) that make me think about how far we have come, but how far we still have to go to prove our relationships are just as valid as anyone else's.
OMG
DeleteJ, this comment got me in my feels!
People think we've 'come a long way'. People take for granted something that gay men did not think possible just fifteen, twenty years ago. We are not talking a century, we're talking twenty years!
The level of entitlement and privilege that some gay men tout nowadays always manages to surprise me and kind of annoy me. They don't seem to understand that those rights they take for granted can be taken away. Look at what happened to Roe VS. Wade...
XOXO
You've got that right, Six. The SCOTUS seems ready to gut the majority of rights that have been won over the past 60-70 years. Look at the absolute GUTTING they've done to Civil Rights and Voting Rights. If anyone believes that Roe is safe, if they think LGBTQ+ rights are safe, if they think voting is safe, they're delusional. XOXO
DeleteWell, they are just living their best lives.
ReplyDelete"There's a lot of penises out there that you have to just sort of ... ignore..."
Oh, no, honey. That ain't never gonna happen.
They come knockin'? I'm unlockin'!
Kizzes.
I know right?
DeleteSuch a joy. I wanna go shopping with them.
And the ignoring of the penises is the most difficult part!
XOXO