Don't Need A Reason
Passing is the ability of a person to be regarded as a member of an identity group or category, such as racial identity, ethnicity, caste, social class, sexual orientation, gender, religion, age and/or disability status, that is often different from their own. Passing may result in privileges, rewards, or an increase in social acceptance,or be used to cope with stigma. Thus, passing may serve as a form of self-preservation or self-protection in instances where expressing one's true or prior identity may be dangerous.
When you have been bullied for being a child who does not 'fit' you have to find ways to raise above that. One of the things men who are conventionally masculine (or women who are conventionally feminine) do not really understand is that having traits that do not conform to what society seems to expect from you can be downright dangerous when you are growing up (and even later!). Especially for a male who may show any or some traits that could be considered 'feminine'. Some people just do not make it into adulthood with their wits around them. That's when having a talent comes handy. A talent usually becomes the way out of that bullied, excluded place and into a more accomplished sense of self.
As Lady Candem points out, some people never really feel comfortable in their own skin until they find an outlet that allows them to be themselves. For her, it was ballet. Being terrorized at school by bullies is something some people really never have to go through. Be it because one is an outcast due to social class or perceived gender orientation, the taunting usually starts very early. And sometimes it haunts people most of their lives. And many times it leaves scars, both physical and emotional.
Privilege is more than just a thing that some people have and some people don’t, it’s also where that power comes from, and why people might seek it. When we talk about the privilege of “passing,” we’re looking at who among us (binary and nonbinary alike) meets and does not meet a condition that has been placed upon many of us in order to survive. In the case of some nonbinary people, this can be a compounding frustration, as someone may be “forcibly passed” as a woman or a man, when in fact being gendered as either of these is a form of erasure.
For people who have never had their gender, sexual orientation or identity questioned, it's very difficult to imagine what being coerced into passing means. It's not something that even crosses their minds. I also know that many people are not able find the outlets that could allow them to express themselves fully and that is an absolute shame. Not everybody has Lady Camden's talent for ballet or for Drag, something that allows her to flourish while still being the person she is. Not everybody finds that place where passing is not necessary either for economic security or avoidance of stigma or for just plain physical safety. And that is a shame.
XOXO
_en_una_actuacio%CC%81n.png)
Sometimes the ability to accept yourself comes when YOU finally accept yourself. I think a lot of LGBTQ+ people, because we sometimes start out closeted, need a minute to realize who we are and that we're okay, and then that self-acceptance comes along.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely.
DeleteThe thing is that self-acceptance comes from within and it tends to happen when people come out. Bullying and pressure to conform comes from outside and it cannot be controlled. Hence the coping mechanisms.
XOXO
Actually, I was never bullied. I've never been able to understand the animosity that comes with those who bully. I wouldn't go so far as to say that many people are unable to find an outlet, that makes the problem sound almost universal, and it isn't. Lady Camden represents a small niche group, not a majority. While it is important to understand the issues she has had to deal with, it is just as important to understand that this is not the norm. I did like that room. Why couldn't my dining room look like that.
ReplyDeleteOh, it does not surprise me.
DeleteBullies usually have tons of issues themselves, hence the bullying. And finding an outlet to express gender nonconformity or femininity in a male is not really easy, unless the person is very artistic or very talented. It's niche in the sense that not many can do it without suffering some kind of repercussion. Hence passing privilege.
XOXO
School was an awful place for me because i didn't fit standard molds - until I learned to become what people wanted to see. That's our coping mechanism - for **almost** everyone, really. We present different selves in different situations. We are only our true selves when we are at home alone or with people who don't judge. Big XOXO
ReplyDeleteI agree that conforming is a universal coping mechanism.
DeleteThose who do not conform risk suffering the consequences and not everybody can do that at an early age. It takes time. And it does get better most times. That's why it is so important to find a tribe.
XOXO
HuntleyBiGuy:
ReplyDeleteBlogger is still screwy.
Because I’m bi, I have not really had to “pass.” I really didn’t embrace my attraction to men until well into my adult years. I realize now how different things would have been had I explored that side of me. I remember going to the adult book stores and perusing the magazines and videos hoping no one would see me and making my selections when no one was around.
XOXO 👨🏼❤️💋👨🏽
Blogger has become a pain!
DeleteAnd Bi people in most cases blend right in. It's not unusual for someone to find out about (and act upon) same sex attraction later in life. But there's the flip side of feeling they need to camouflage or hide that attraction from others until they feel confident and safe enough to do it.
XOXO
Good video! I've never seen ballet performed in stilettos before!
ReplyDeleteplease dance dance dance! love men dancing, even with female dresses. As a male lover, you can imagine how much I can appreciate, love & adore male bodies and in motion!
ReplyDeleteSame!
DeleteMen dancing together is absolutely beautiful to me!
XOXO
So many find their escape via a form of self harm, be it drug or alcohol abuse, violence in the form of video games, etc. It's lovely to see a positive self-affirmation in motion.
ReplyDeleteFlowers find ways to bloom all on their own.
Kizzes.
Totally.
DeleteIt's tragic, in some cases, because the repercussions sometimes last a lifetime. And that last part is beautiful and very true.
XOXO