APOCALYPSE, Now?

I am convinced that if there is some kind of doomsday scenario I'll probably be one of the first to go, contrary to what this video may say about the probability of me surviving a major extinction event. Hear me out: even though I was a more than decent boy scout, I am (and have always been) a city boy and being in the countryside usually gets to me after four days. The wilderness was made for deer, racoons and the Marlboro man. I can improvise a decent fire when left to my own devices in the forest (or semi-desert area) I can track water (the Discovery channel, honey) and I can identify some poisonous fruits and plants. But I'm terrified of snakes, spiders and scorpions and cannot take mosquitos well. So I'm fucked.

I do love shows like The Walking Dead and have read many a post-apocalyptic YA novel which has done nothing to appease my fears that in case of a Hunger Games scenario, I'm doomed from the jump and I'll probably volunteer as tribute. I have thought about the possibility of a mass extinction  kinda scenario (Vladimir Putin emotionally and  literally holding the world hostage is a good sign of overall doomsday fuckery) and I have wondered if I should go soft-prepper on it. But then I think about Jim Bakker and throw up a little in my mouth. Wouldn't you?

I have low-key accumulated some things that could come handy, like a crank radio from the seventies for survivor transmissions after the fact and some low-tech tools that could come handy if an atomic bomb goes off and I have to stay in my basement garden apartment for a month and wait for the acid rain to abate. I may also need books. And canned goods. And some extra pieces of clothing. And maybe a first-aid kit. And Daryl Dixon. 

The video, though, is not completely off the rails, I do have some of those skills (not the soft choreo or the several pieces of luggage, or the gay scouts handbook, even though I do want that last one) but I am guilty of carrying an old Playbill in my bag. Don't ask. At the end of every semester I discover some things in my bag that I do not remember putting there.

So how about you? Would you survive the apocalypse? Maybe you're vers and have a 50/50 chance? I'm gonna need to know to start thinking about my exit strategy in case Chicago is one of the cities that goes first. A boy needs to know his options. Right? 

XOXO