Li-Da-Di
I was reading Lurkie's post about desire and I realized that we don't talk about Asexuality a lot. Yes, I am Intrinsically Disordered, just as Lurkie, but I do like talking about (and doing) sexual things often. If you have not noticed, I like sex. And with the right man, I like it a LOT. But not everybody does, even if they are as intrinsically disordered as I am. And that's cool. Right?
There's some people who do not experience sexual desire the way I do and I should be aware of that. Some people just don't like to have sex with others. They don't experience desire. They don't even like to talk about sex or sexually-related topics. It's all Greek to them. I know! For someone who considers desire and sex part of relationships (and life) that may come as news. But it’s true, not everybody experiences desire the same way.
It’s important to remember that asexuality is an umbrella term, and exists on a spectrum. Asexual people – also known as “Ace” or “Aces” – may have little interest in having sex, even though most desire emotionally intimate relationships. Within the ace community there are many ways for people to identify.
It's just like being hetero/bi/poly romantic, but with 'sexual' after the prefix. And Asexual people need to assert themselves and just tell others know that they're Ace, like Terry, Michael's friend. I think it's that simple. I would, if I were Asexual. Would that imply another coming out? Probably. But it would benefit the person and anybody who finds them attractive. Better the devil that you know...
Yes, it is completely normal to not feel sexual attraction towards other people. Love doesn’t have to equal sex! You can have strong, meaningful relationships with friends or partners that don’t necessarily involve a sexual connection. In fact, there is a huge spectrum of identities and sexualities out there that can help describe different kinds of attraction. We encourage you to learn more about identities like asexuality, which may help you feel more at ease about not feeling sexually attracted to others. Remember, nothing is set in stone, and you don’t have to label yourself with a term unless you’re ready. Your feelings may or may not change over time, and that is completely okay!
So, let's enjoy the spectrum. And the birdlife. We all need a canary in the coalmine, after all.
XOXO
P.S. this was my JAM!
As I always say, take people as they are and quit trying to make them fit into your world-view, or some category you've dreamt up. It's called a spectrum for a reason and we all fall on it somewhere..
ReplyDeletePreach!
DeleteThe thing is that I believe someone who is asexual should disclose that if they're getting into a relationship with someone at the other side of the spectrum, for example. If two asexuals get together, fantastic! But anybody who enters a relationship with an Ace should know.
XOXO
HuntleyBiGuy:
ReplyDeleteOur “house” has many rooms in it. There are those that are attracted to the same sex, those attracted to both sexes, so why would it be inconceivable that someone does not have an attraction sexually? No they are not weird. We’ve come to expect that sex is a normal part of life. And for some, more so than others. But that’s for us. That’s the nice thing about our house. And we can decorate it anyway we want.
XOXO 👨🏼❤️💋👨🏾
No, the are not weird, they just arrange their furniture differently.
DeleteBut if someone likes eating at a table, they should know that their house does not have any, otherwise, they'll feel like they will have no place to eat.
I think it's about disclosure. Not because we won't believe their decoration style is outmoded or outrageous, it's just that some people do like to eat at a table.
XOXO
Big says,
ReplyDeleteHuntley has said it quite well. I wish I'd put it so succinctly in my blog when I have written about asexuality. And the other interesting part of that is that they will still have sexual urges and masturbate. They just are not sexually attracted to others to enjoin in activity. The adage "to each his own" has been around for millenia for a reason. XOXO
Oh, Aces do not feel sexual attraction towards others the way we do.
DeleteIt does not mean they don't FEEL anything. And that's what's so hard to understand when someone who is not Ace enters in a relationship with one: they cannot explain what's going on in the relationship and they blame themselves. Heartache ensues.
XOXO
ADORE THIS AMBER SONG. She has so many great ones. But, yes... life is on a spectrum, isn't it? It takes all kinds of love to make a world and we must always allow room enough to fit it all in. However one expresses themselves... even muted or silent... it is all to be honored and treasured. Kizzes.
ReplyDeleteSaaameee! I danced many a night away to that song.
DeleteAnd it does take all kinds. I think Aces should be more visible, though. I find people believe they're some kind of unicorn because so very few people talk about it!
XOXO
I like birds, too. Isn't it all about filling your own expectations, not someone else's?
ReplyDeleteOh, Dave.
DeleteI've suspected as much for a long time. Being into ornithology is nothing new.
You'll get your (second?) toaster in the mail.
XOXO
A good friend of mine, when we met, tried to date. I had the major hots for him and I heard he liked me. Weeks in, we hadn't had sex yet...yes...I have a too heathy of an appetite, and we kissed little. I asked his friend if he liked me, and he said he did, but he explained this guy was very asexual and was mostly into pleasuring himself and doesn't have a strong desire to have sex with others. Needless to say, it didn't work out and I respected his choice as he did mind. We luckily stayed good friends. I even heard he had a huge one...damn it.
ReplyDeleteOMG totally same!
DeleteI also went out with this man I was totally into and long story short, the same happened. Unfortunately, I told him I could not keep seeing him and we've never talked again. And he had a NICE one, too!
Ugh.
XOXO
It takes all kinds to make the world go around, right? I just hope everyone is able to find that other person they can share their life with and be happy. It's too bad there is so much judgment by others and people are afraid to be themselves.
ReplyDeleteIt does!
DeleteAnd not everybody is just like us. I think Aces do get into relationships and some manage to stay in them for a long time. They've got 'low libido' and the such. I think people should talk more about this. So it would not be that 'rare'.
XOXO
"They don't experience desire."
ReplyDeleteI am so sensual, erotic and I love sex, without which - as you have probably gathered from some of my previous comments - I cannot and do not want to live. However, I believe that people who have no sex drive live a quieter (and more boring ???) life.
I agree. I'm kind of the same.
DeleteI think Aces just don't experience desire the same way we do. And they don't miss it, so they may not be as bored as we think...
XOXO