On Making Friends.

I discovered I had some kind of power over men when I was around thirteen or fourteen. Yeah, not a late bloomer. The thing is, there were dudes around me all the time when I was that age. ALL the time. And the thing is that they were basically all about one to three years older than I was at that time and you know that two or three years at that age is a LOT. You go from young boy to young man in literally six months. And I could not help but notice that these guys who were two years ago literally boys were suddenly men. And I really liked all the attention they gave me. I was flattered and excited and nervous and breathless and dizzy with the knowledge that there was something there I wanted to explore and they were going to help me do that. But to tell you the truth, I was mostly horny. I did not want to do 'boyfriend' stuff. I was DTF, and they just seemed to know it and were more than ready to lend me a hand. Or more precisely, a very hard dick. Because teenage boys.

Oh, I took advantage of that and I promise you there were some times when I had to almost have to choose who I was gonna do by the time I was sixteen. You can say that I was going through a very, very slutty phase. The term 'popular' could be loosely applied here. If I wanted, I could get pressed like the news almost any day. It was a mood, for real. They seemed to be everywhere: at school, in my neighborhood, when I went out... At times, there was not one day where I didn't get an invite to go see someone's 'comic books'. Or go 'play games' in their room. Or find out they had concocted whatever excuse they could fabricate to be be left home alone and invite me over. I think I fucked any restlessness or desire for non-strings-attached 'straight' dick out of me during those years. Sowing your oats, is what it's called, no? Well, I did that. I guess I won't have a crushing midlife crisis, then.

The thing is that when I watched Sam Smith's video for I'm Not Here To Make Friends, it was like someone had made a video about my feelings at that time: the unadulterated pleasure of feeling yourself, the fantastic sensation of realizing you have sex appeal and that others can see that. And by 'others' I mean men. It was hot. It was fun, and I could see how powerful and attractive Sam was feeling. I guess it was about time. People have desexualized them for way too long. Which is funny, because when you categorize someone as a 'crooner' you expect them to sing about love and sex. But such is the life of the queer/gay singer-songwriter: the music industry is afraid you'd be 'too sexual' and would scare sales away and make you try to please everybody while erasing you in the process. Well, Unholy was quite risqué. And it went straight to number one, so...

It was a very liberating video in the sense that it's all out there for anybody to see. At one time in the clip, Sam is standing in the middle of the room with a bedazzled sailor hat, gloves, a corset and barely anything else. Talk about liberating. Sam has talked about their body issues before and I applaud what he did. I can also relate. As an aging almost-twink, change has not been easy and not having the 'right type' of body for the apps (3% body fat, abs visible from the moon, dizzyingly obvious shoulder-waist ratio, big tits, bubble butt, the works!) can feel slightly unsettling. This video reminded me that no matter how I think I may look and no matter what the gays in the hookup apps say, sex appeal comes from inside. I am attractive, and fuck other people's idea of what I should look (and behave) like. Yes, ma'am. 

When Sam leaves the party riding the hood of that car (I want that LOVER license plate!) looking absolutely fantastic, I felt like it could be me. Oh yes. Gimme the slutty Little Lord Fauntleroy attire, give me the car, give me the attitude and give me that man with the whistle and the feather to ride and I'll be ok.

XOXO

P.S. Sam is indeed having a fantastic start of 2023. Gloria, their last album is out and it's fab: with new stuff and his awesome ballads. And they're going on tour!. Also, after this video we all learned that they may be a fem top (a blouse?) and that a yellow hankie may be necessary to woo them. You go, Sam!

Didn't I tell you Sam was really feeling themselves?? Dancehall is so hawt...

Want, everything I want

Is everything you got

So nut before you come over

Relax, walk before you run

Your eyes on my dun, dun-dun-dun

I need you to come... closer...

But don't fear. There's still plenty of crooning in Gloria to make your day if that's your thing...