Dear Troll...

 Dear Troll:

I’m calling you “Troll” because that’s what you are. As defined by Urban Dictionary, a “Troll” is "Someone who deliberately pisses people off online to get a reaction.” Based on our brief interaction(s), that sounds like you. Yes, you. You know who you are.

I won’t bring up who I think you are because I’m a blogger, not a drama mongerer (LOL I am) and because what you do does not really matter. Did you know that? Most of the people on Blogger has had one of their posts flagged at one point or another. And judging by the frequency with which you keep flagging up my posts, it seems you do have a ton of free time in your hands. Maybe a good job would come handy? A constructive hobby? Edibles?

Now, first off, thank you for showing me how much I’ve grown. You've gone as far back flagging posts as very few readers have gone on this blog lately. I have had to read the posts you've flagged to see what it it that you've found offensive. Nothing. They're just musings I've written at a specific time in my life. You also made me realize how little I care about the haters at this stage. I have developed a somehow thick skin when it comes to online interactions: there was a point in time where I would have given more weight to the hate than the love I’ve cultivated for myself here but that was a long time ago. Now, I know that I can’t please everyone. So I’ll keep writing my posts as I please and'll pay heed to those who encourage me to do so. Thanks again for the reminder, though. Sometimes I forget how far I’ve come until something like you flagging my posts here forces me to acknowledge that someone actually goes around reading them.

Second, You and many like you have taught me that I can’t please everyone — even if I were to spread myself dangerously thin (not something I'd really want to do). I was confused when the first innocuous post was flagged as something hateful/inappropriate. It did not make sense to me. But this is the internet, so I should have known better. You seem to go around flagging posts just because. But thank you for doing it: it made me read the comments left there and there was one left by dear Anne Marie. Actually, reading her hilarious response to that post is what made me adapt this letter. Just for you. Aren't you important, now? Oh, that was rhetorical, in case you didn't know. 

If you don't like my posts, well, too bad. You don't have to read them. I don't write them for you, in particular. Your random and funny (if they were not equally annoying) selections probably have the poor rubes at Google scratching their heads. Those last ones you flagged? They're back up. Your trolling is as limited as your intellect, I'm afraid. You cannot really find anything here that could violate those terms of service, right? But you're giving someone in Google a job. Silver lining.

I wondered if you are somebody who is trying to track me down and/or take me down. But that would give you an actual face or personality. I think that most probably you are just a poor sap with no friends, a horrible job, an untreated mental illness and more issues than Cosmopolitan. If I were you, probably the only escape I'd have from a terrible, horrible, no good life is to troll Blogger. So more power to you for coping with an unbearable situation by being a really bad version of a person online.

I use writing as catharsis. Don’t flatter yourself by thinking my blog could be about you or what you think. None of my posts are about other people, even if other people are mentioned. They are about me. I write about my history and my likes and dislikes because I know I’m not alone in my trials and triumphs. I know how dark and damp it feels to keep one’s story a secret, so I air some of my dirty laundry online for people to see. Because it's good catharsis. You should try it. It's better than Lexapro.

So, at the end of the day, thanks for bringing Anne Marie back to my mind. It made me remember how much I miss her. I miss her no-prisoners-taken attitude, her hatred for neo-nazis and incels, her filthy mouth and her fabulous personality. I will forever feel sorry I never followed my first impulse when we started talking, which was to take a Road Trip to go meet her and Maddie in PA. So in the spirit of dear Anne Marie: fuck you, troll. 

Sincerely,

Sixpence.

XOXO

P.S. This letter is not originally mine. I cut/pasted/borrowed/adapted it from @mayastrong, an intersectional feminist, everyday activist and out/proud enby queer who wrote it for a specific troll. If you want to read the original letter (well worth a read) please go to An Open Letter to My Troll on the Internet.