Bottoms, up?

 

Oh, you know who you are... 

You know it's more than BDE, though. It's BD, no cap. And this is a PSA for those into you. Because a reminder always comes handy. Having been at the er... receiving end of the affection of some of your Brothers in... Arms, I feel I know what I'm talking about. And @BottomsDigest came to the rescue with some very useful tips. Take a look at the lengths we go for you:

@bottomsdigest

Because we all know that it does take a little bit of effort to deal with oversized packages. Yes, Amazon. I'm looking at you. It can be a hurdle if you don't know how to handle them...

Oh Lord. I have made this mistake. There are some men that DO take your breath away. Literally. And that's a no-no. Breathing, like reading, it's FUNDAMENTAL. Never forget to breathe. Especially if what you see gives you pause... That's the signal you were waiting for to start inhaling and exhaling. Trust me.

Box Breathing is a life saver. Especially before a Gentleman Caller gets there. But I have multitasked and done some breathing while otherwise occupied. It works. And that heavy breathing surely gets some men all riled up, which is a bonus. You're welcome!

Never underestimate the power of the right toy. They're heaven sent, especially when there's a lot to take in. Trust the toy. If the toy is not being accommodated, NOTHING will fit. Yep. I'm talking from experience, daahlink. Better safe...

Oh, this is a life saver (and a relationship saver!!) @doctorcarlton deserves a medal for having popularized this move. You could bet your sweet ass it'll work. Also,  you knew there's a reason why I do have a weakness for men with large hands...

Yes, it seems like DUH! is the right answer, but you'd be surprised how many people in the.. er... heat of the moment forget about this. We cannot all just go all Ennis Del Mar in Brokeback Mountain and trust some spit will do (I do like the idea of it, though. Don't judge). Keep the lube close at hand at ALL TIMES. I swear by überlube. It's the best! NOTE: it's latex compatible but it does not work as fabulously with toys. Just in case you only have one bottle of lube nearby...

You would not BELIEVE how much the right position can help. Being on top is the best when a Big Boy is BIG. You can control the movement, the rhythm and the direction. And those are essential for a good... ride. Just like with any stallion. Giddyup!

So that's it. Hope you remember some of these tips the next time you get to play. Because you need to be a good Boy Scout and be always prepared. Remember, no matter what people say, the size of the CVN-68 Nimitz does matter. And so does the motion of the ocean.

Happy sailing!

XOXO

P.S. if you are the proud owner of one of those oversize packages, make sure you are patient. Nothing ruins the mood faster than the bull-in-the-china-shop approach. Just saying...