While stumbling around the plethora of porny websites and blogs I usually find myself perusing at any time of day (or early morning, as usual) I came across this little blog with just videos and photos. And I found this little chunk of erotica. Not only the men are really hot (from my point of view, mind you) but they really seem to be into each other, something that is sorely lacking in the super-polished world of gay porn.
But it was not only that. It was that while watching them, I felt what porn is based upon: empathy. I could totally relate to what they were doing, because I had DONE it. That is the way my ex used to fuck me: on our sides, sliding his beautiful cock in and out of me. And I used to come just like the guy in the video does: on my back, moaning and groaning while the other man helped mecome, pushing himself deeper and faster into me, intensifying my orgasm.
I got lightheaded for a second with all those memories. Sex was good at the beginning with my ex. He did have a very nice cock. Big, thick, hard. But I also remember my back pains, because his belly was so big and it pushed me forward while he fucked me from behind. Or how at the end he could only come if I fucked him with a huge dildo. I also remember when at the end I could not enjoy myself completely. Maybe I suspected he was cheating on me with the 24 year old he left me for (who dumped his ass unceremoniously a few weeks after).
But I still remember his cock. And how he used to make me come. He was not much for sucking, but he was very good at fucking. Very good. Hopefully after he lost all that weight that was fucking up his leg, his health and his sex life (he discovered quickly that the attractive men he so likes were not much into slobs with big cocks) he found the man he wanted. I sometimes think of him, mostly remembering those good fucks. Funny, how selective our memory becomes after awhile. How only the 'good' parts come back while the 'bad' ones seem more and more distant. It should be that 'getting over them' at work.
So that's the story of that little video. And how something as antiseptic as mainstream porn can find its way into my little online diary. Because it's all about how we feel about things, not what things are. I'll keep my eyes open. Maybe I'll be able to find something that relates to me now. That would be a find.