That Valentine


I did not write it, but as if I had written it, this little message touched me. Funny, how similar we all are in our little miseries, hidden desires and utter longings.

This must be boredom talking, but in a way I guess I'm glad- let's me say it. I just know that a lot of the time I feel like I want to give up on men. And that does NOT and would NEVER mean go straight. What it means- is I hate the whole game-playing with men. I go online and I see gorgeous men but pretty much they wouldn't look at my profile unless I looked somewhat like them.

And then I get all the old farts hitting me up- and it's like no! I don't want someone who could be my father or uncle. so, it feels like you're settling with a guy who is probably average like yourself. You say hi, and he never respond. And then it feels like he must be crossed off the list, cuz if not it'd just be stupid to keep bothering. As time goes on your like, no too good for me, already tried him, not what i want, and you're left with three guys that don't fit one of the prior categories. And you feel upset, cuz you're not meeting anyone.

Then I'm walking away and I see a really cute guy, who looks right for everything (age, interesting, possibly/probably gay)- but it only happens in passing. And maybe I'm just too chickenshit, but i' don't see myself stopping a random person on the street to see 'what's up?' But I think he'd be a cool person to get to know- of course, i'd never see him again. So, I decide to touch up with a friend to see if they want to go out, and get myself outside. Only either they don't reply, or we meet once and I don't hear from them again. Which really pisses me off. I understand people are busy- but it doesn't take too long to say hi to let me know they're still alive or even to say fuck off (if that's the true case). Rather have them say that then wonder like a moron.

I just know I tell myself time and time again to wait for the right man to just come along. Let fate do it. Only fate's procastinating, it seems. I get out there (with someone, somehow), I go to classes, I go to work. I try to minimize my time inside alone (unless I just need that me time). But it's really annoying. Cuz I honestly find I'm not that picky- I have preference, maybe, but I'm open-minded. Also, I get, basically, jealous when I see a couple (of whatever combo). Cuz that's what I truly want. I have no interest to sleep every man in columbus. if i only ever slept with one, that would be fine. And I feel upset, cuz most people i think take that for granted.

Anyways, I realize this is a long ass letter, lo siento. I think I needed to rant- and I know I can trust you to reply and not leaving me hanging. Thanks.

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