NOT sparkly, just dull.

I think I don't really like the whole Twilight series. And if you know me, you know I'm a sucker for anything vampire, magic, sci-fi or weird. For once, I tried to start reading the first one and I gagged halfway through it. Too cloying. Then on top of that I learned the author is a Mormon (now, she should know about fucking fiction. Have you read the book of the Mormon? First-rate sci-fi) and that explained a lot: the longing, the almost S&M descriptions of longing for the boy ( but not having sex) but giving up out of fear of causing damage ( by having sex) but wanting to be with him nonetheless ( wanting more forbidden sex). Why are all these wingnuts so obsessed with sex? Oh, wait. Right. It's their lifestyle (because being a Christian is a CHOICE, dear.
And then the boy is a vampire (trite. Read Ann Rice instead) and the girl is perfect (trite, trite, trite) VERY white (KKK, anyone?) and that's why they fit (so no dark-skinned girl would have done, right?)and they carry out a relationship where the forbidden (Sex disguised as his vampire condition) is coveted but bravely put aside (abstinence, anyone?).
And it's selling like pancakes. A movie is coming up. And all those repressed Christian girls (and Christian gay boys) will flock to the theater to give this Mormon wife more money to write more inane prose. Delightful.
Christian Americans will give money to whomever validates their twisted relationship with sex. But not my money. If I get the urge to know more about the series, then I'll get the books from the public library and if a rainy Sunday comes up, I will get the movie free from my beloved public library. Hey, I read Barbara Cartland and all those bodice rippers when I was 14. At least they have very salaciously 'romantic' passages in them. The stalkerish nature of the vampire boy do seem kinky. As well as the idiotic girl's explanations as to why she will not let him 'bite' (fuck) her.

And I found these Eight Things I Hate About Twilight in Yahoo! Answers. Love it. And this person knows what they're talking about. Enjoy:

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
OK... here I go... Thumbs down time!

I happened to have read Twilight last night (9 hours.... I was up late), and I reallllllly just DESPISED it. Here's why:

1. Bella is a Mary-Sue. This basically means that she's the perfect girl who gets all the attention. Notice her popularity? Notice how "pretty" she's supposed to be?

2. Edward: He was BUILT to satisfy the creepy fangirls out there who don't see the charm of quirks and imperfections. Sure, he's sarcastic at times. At the beginning it worked, but not too well at all later on. But his fans say, "He's sooooooo sweeeeeet! I'm gonna marry him!" It's so unrealistic it makes me gag.

3. Cliche! Come on.... the gorgeous vampire. Wow, didn't see THAT coming. The beautiful girl who just happens to have pale skin, thus fitting in with him. Gee, what next? Oh, look! It's the so "unpredictable" inner conflict of Edward!

4. The character (development)... there were two aspects:

a. Bella seemed like a feeble attempt at the smart girl who is unsocial. Hmmm.... three normal boys liking her? She rarely said anything intellectual at all. Most of the time she came off as an idiot who does not know what common sense is. Sure, I can get the vampire thing, but with the way the book was described (from her point of view!), I found her to be dull. Although it was attempted, I felt like she was not very defined. Also, the author's try at making Bella a noble, caring person failed terribly.

b. Bella and Edward DEVOLVED! When they fell in love, they totally went from their bland characters to people just being like, "I love you! But I can't put you in danger! I must see you! I no longer need anything else!" *BARF* What happened to their originality an individuality?

5. The romance.... Get over yourself Bella. He's a vampire. Edward should give it a break too. Their love was never described in a way that showed WHY they felt it. Unconditional... BS. Too unrealistic, yet again feeding the fantasy fangirl crowd.

6. The description.... was not description. Using big words does not make a person a good author. Also, the entire story was telling, without even a hint of showing.

7. Before I read it, I was turned off by the people obsessing. Actually, I read it to see what they were talking about. It's a matter of pride though, and before I felt like I'd sink low if I read it. It took some will power to pick it up.

8. The writing left no impression at all. I read it without even caring what she said, because it was told in such a boring way.

So that's why I give thumbs up to Twilight haters!

BTW, I HATE your name.

* 2 weeks ago

This poster actually nailed the idiocy of the books so well that now I want to read at least one. I know. I'm weird. But I want to slam their vacuous try at antiseptic bodice ripper as well as that poster did. On to the Public Library!

P.S. that illustration would make the novels much, much better.