Valerie

I think I need a pick me up. I'm telling you, this has not been my best summer ever. Not for a long stretch. What with my circular thoughts and my tunnel vision. Not to mention my catastrophizing. Oh well. When I'm feeling down, I guess my first remedy is music. I find that playing music loud in the car while I drive makes me forget (momentarily) all the shit going on in my life. I keep all my fav music in the car, just in case. Right now I have Amy Winehouse's two CDs in high rotation, as well as Alanis, Robyn, Cyndi Lauper and M.I.A. at hand. Also Santogold and Janet, with a touch of Garbage and The Cliks. All divas. Not a rare feat, considering that gay boys usually keep their women at hand (and apparently their trans boys, too). But it seems that the most often played is Amy. 

I guess it's her voice, so distinctive, but also her phrasing and her lyrics are so compelling to me that she's always spinning my thoughts. I don't really care about her troubled life (husband in the can, drugs running rampant, personal life in shambles) even though I hope she gets her shit straight soon and comes out with a new CD so I can listen to her some more. I care about the singer songwriter who sounds and says things so differently. Generic she's not. But I do think that her own life is what fuels those amazing lyrics. I envy people who can put in words and song their experiences (as well as people who can actually dance or paint) because that is their therapy. That is the way they deal with their demons and problems and at the same time create something beautiful and touching. Something similar to what I find when I read the posts of bloggers such as Milo or Merlin, Angel or Homosapiensis and many others. Their output is the online equivalent of Amy's songs. They touch me with their lively descriptions, I can empathize with their struggles and their joys and their lives. 

I get the same feeling when I listen to some music. I get a break from my own messed up thoughts and get into somebody else's musings and reflections and frank discussions. And those thoughts tell me that I'm not alone, that there is someone else there also pouring their minds into some media, and that makes me feel accompanied, supported, not alone. 

 Even though none of them are here with me, I feel accompanied, because sometimes those people near you can manage to make you feel lonelier. And for that I have found out that I really cherish those musicians, singers, songwriters and bloggers. Because they are there when I need them. Because there is a difference between being lonely and gloriously alone. And I don't feel lonely. Thanks to them. 

 XOXOX