“Benorman lists the qualities he expects from the candidates. "We're looking for the perfect profile to have a threesome with. You need to be younger than 35, sporty and with defined abs. But it's not just about your physical assets. Having a threesome isn't as easy as it might seem. You have to understand the workings of swinging...”
Well, after reading that article I quote at the beginning (and counting that I've read John posting something related to open relationships recently) I came to the conclusion that, apparently many, many people think that getting to be in a threesome or having an open (or partially ajar) relationship has too many intricacies and it requires more than just mental acrobatics. And I think that may be just fair. After all, letting a third person come in and play with us requires a lot of logistics. We've talked about it, my manfriend and I, once or twice before. In what concerns monogamy, I agree with Dan Savage on the possibility of being monogamish and with Esther Perel on her ideas on monogamy and relationships. I also devoured Sex at Dawn, by Christopher Ryan (which deals with opposite-sex couples, but hey). We've talked about threesomes and neither of us would be opposed to the idea of being monogamish (duh, have you met us?). So why is it so difficult to actually do it? Apart from having hectic schedules, I think it's a matter of trust and also, of course, finding just the right man for the job.
And that's not easy, apparently. Neither for straight couples nor for gay ones. For straight couples, I guess it depends on the configuration they want their menage a trois to be (MFM, FMF) maybe one is easier to achieve than the other? There's issues on both sides and unless the couple has experimented with swinging before the affair may get messy. I have no idea, because I have never tried it before. The aforementioned logistics have always gotten on the way.
I think that for gay couples, leaving the right one in implies lots of talk, the setting of boundaries and some leg work vetting the candidates. And there must be lots of talking before it is even considered. Many people feel violently attacked when the possibility of losing room in a relationship is even raised. I remember the discussions I had with a previous manfriend and his ideas about one person in the couple masturbating on his own, so imagine how that would go with actually sleeping with someone else. I think there must be boundaries set before the main even takes place, too, of course. How's the sex gonna be? The use of protection, the obvious logistics involving discussions of a vers, bottom or top for the third and the clarification that if the newcomer leans towards one of the people in the throuple, there must be no hurt feelings. And that's not even counting deciding who is it that's going to be the unicorn who's going to be the third one in this play.
And all that takes time and effort. I guess that's why it's not that easy to do? I don't think jealousy should be a problem. After all, you both know each other and know where each one is coming from, so trust between you two should not be an issue. It's an issue with the third one, though, because then it's not just two. So finding the right person to complete your very own concerto for violin may prove tricky. You just don't walk in a bar and ask men you like things like 'Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?' a la Lady Marmalade.
Thinking about that, another possibility would be hiring a professional, right? Still, there's the planning and the schedule to deal with. Not to mention the dough, cause sex workers do not come cheap (see what I did there?). So it's still tricky. Also, who to hire? Another top? Another bottom? Somebody who's vers? Dealing with a pro may take the guesswork out of the equation because you do know what it is that you're getting. I guess at the end of the day most monogamish couples stay monogamous because there's so much time and effort that needs to be put into actually making the magic happen that they just basically give up.
Now, I understand that this thing about letting a third one in is not for everybody. Don't get distracted by the hot pictures. I am aware that we gain and lose things with we sleep with somebody else while we are in a relationship, no matter how open wide it is and how open minded we could be. I know there's people who would rather stay monogamous and that would consider the idea of either taking part in a threesome or just looking in the direction of somebody who's not their partner an absolute no-no and that's cool, too. More power to them. Be with the one you want, they say. And if it ain't broken, why fix it?