Swing




“Benorman lists the qualities he expects from the candidates. "We're looking for the perfect profile to have a threesome with. You need to be younger than 35, sporty and with defined abs. But it's not just about your physical assets. Having a threesome isn't as easy as it might seem. You have to understand the workings of swinging...”
Sami Benorman 




Well, after reading that article I quote at the beginning (and counting that I've read John posting something related to open relationships recently) I came to the conclusion that, apparently many, many people think that getting to be in a threesome or having an open (or partially ajar) relationship has too many intricacies and it requires more than just mental acrobatics.  And I think that may be just fair. After all, letting a third person come in and play with us requires a lot of logistics. We've talked about it, my manfriend and I, once or twice before. In what concerns monogamy, I agree with Dan Savage on the possibility of being monogamish and with Esther Perel on her ideas on monogamy and relationships. I also devoured Sex at Dawn, by Christopher Ryan (which deals with opposite-sex couples, but hey). We've talked about threesomes and neither of us would be opposed to the idea of being monogamish (duh, have you met us?). So why is it so difficult to actually do it? Apart from having hectic schedules, I think it's a matter of trust and also, of course, finding just the right man for the job.

And that's not easy, apparently. Neither for straight couples nor for gay ones. For straight couples, I guess it depends on the configuration they want their menage a trois to be (MFM, FMF) maybe one is easier to achieve than the other? There's issues on both sides and unless the couple has experimented with swinging before the affair may get messy. I have no idea, because I have never tried it before. The aforementioned logistics have always gotten on the way.





I think that for gay couples, leaving the right one in implies lots of talk, the setting of boundaries and some leg work vetting the candidates. And there must be lots of talking before it is even considered. Many people feel violently attacked when the possibility of losing room in a relationship is even raised. I remember the discussions I had with a previous manfriend and his ideas about one person in the couple masturbating on his own, so imagine how that would go with actually sleeping with someone else. I think there must be boundaries set before the main even takes place, too, of course. How's the sex gonna be? The use of protection, the obvious logistics involving discussions of a vers, bottom or top for the third and the clarification that if the newcomer leans towards one of the people in the throuple, there must be no hurt feelings. And that's not even counting deciding who is it that's going to be the unicorn who's going to be the third one in this play.

And all that takes time and effort. I guess that's why it's not that easy to do? I don't think jealousy should be a problem. After all, you both know each other and know where each one is coming from, so trust between you two should not be an issue. It's an issue with the third one, though, because then it's not just two.  So finding the right person to complete your very own concerto for violin may prove tricky. You just don't walk in a bar and ask men you like things like 'Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?' a la Lady Marmalade. 



Thinking about that, another possibility would be hiring a professional, right? Still, there's the planning and the schedule to deal with. Not to mention the dough, cause sex workers do not come cheap (see what I did there?). So it's still tricky. Also, who to hire? Another top? Another bottom? Somebody who's vers? Dealing with a pro may take the guesswork out of the equation because you do know what it is that you're getting. I guess at the end of the day most monogamish couples stay monogamous because there's so much time and effort that needs to be put into actually making the magic happen that they just basically give up. 




Now, I understand that this thing about letting a third one in is not for everybody. Don't get distracted by the hot pictures. I am aware that we gain and lose things with we sleep with somebody else while we are in a relationship, no matter how open wide it is and how open minded we could be. I know there's people who would rather stay monogamous and that would consider the idea of either taking part in a threesome or just looking in the direction of somebody who's not their partner an absolute no-no and that's cool, too. More power to them. Be with the one you want, they say. And if it ain't broken, why fix it?

XOXO





Comments

  1. Well now. It seems you have hit my weakness in the bedroom. My one major turn on and kink is the threesome. I have many. While I dont rely on them , most just seem to happen. While the Lad and I are not exclusive we have had numerous threesomes and even invited my bromance friend in for several tete a tootes. And we all know each well and are comfortably. . But in an relationship like I had with my ex....it was was him and I. If I'm exclusively seeing someone I dont prefer a threesome then. Or I'm partnered. Then no. I was also in a triad relationship once for two years. It was very hot and intresting....how can you love two guys equally.....but that another ball game. But when the right people and logics are right...a there some is very hot!!!!!!!! It's my one weakness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Agreed! It seems to be a combination of the right people, the right time and the right chemistry. Some relationships can accommodate it, some may not. 😎

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's not for us, or for me when I was single; I liked one-on-one, but if you go into it honestly and openly, then go for it.
    Sidenote: we have a friend in Palm Springs who has been part of a thruple going on nearly a decade now. They do everything together and it seems to work well for them, so I say, Bravo, to that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's sounds like the one I was in. It all went well, but then the one guy decided after two years he wanted to have a one on one. Were all still very close friends. I think in life it is possible and rare to have deep equal love for two people at once.

      Delete
    2. Correct. It works for some people, like everything. And I also believe that we can feel love for more than one person at a time.

      Delete
  4. I'm with Mr. Slatten. If it works do it! I have been monogamous for over 31 years. I don't know about my husband if he has or not. Nor would I ask. However, if the discussion ever came up about a threesome I would do it with the stipulation that we did not know the person and we would never have the same person twice. Adding some 'strange' could be good for the blood pressure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Well, having a threesome would definitely make our blood circulate quicker, that’s for sure!
      And that ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy has worked for several of my friends who are what Savage calls monogam-ish.

      Delete
    2. Trust me, I could see the guilt all over
      his face! lol

      Delete
  5. Hey great post. First time here. I myself also love threesomes. I agree with others that all points have to connect. I myself have mostly been the third guy. I have two couple who always seem to invite me in when they want that extra excitement, and it seem to work well, especially with the one couple since they are both bottoms. I also have a straight couple I see who I met from doing their landscaping. The wife really gets into watching me on her husband while he services her. I'm can be with women, but I consider myself gay. I can and do enjoy titty fucking her. And then he really enjoys that. I have never had a theeesome in a relationship yet, since I have never been in a long term yet. I'm borderline addicted to sex....so I dont know what will happen when and if I will settle. I like to think I'll be a one man, man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great to read you! And your experiences sound really interesting. And I guess that whatever works, right? If it’s a couple it’s cool. As well as it is a throuple or some kind of poli arrangement. It all depends on the people involved 😎

      Delete
  6. Boooooiiiiiiiiinnnnnngggggg!

    ReplyDelete
  7. If it works it's fine, not for me. As it was once explained to me, in a threesome you need to make sure everyone gets equal treatment... two end up being the main course and the third ends up being the side order.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And that’s why the couple bringing the third one in needs to talk about it. Establishing boundaries could help avoid awkward moments and silly jealousy. 🤓🤓

      Delete
  8. never had a 3-some...I have enough trouble keeping 1 person happy, let alone 2! and at this point, I like flying solo with myself (wink wink).

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think there is something incredibly sexy about a threesome and in the long time past I have participated into something similar
    However , as I think about past and present so clearly I seem to come back to one of your sentences
    " I think that for gay couples, leaving the right one in implies lots of talk, "
    I think generally this is right but oh so wrong
    We think it implies a lot of sharing, honesty and talk
    I suspect in real life very little talk is carried out
    And the ramifications of such behaviours are seldom discussed in detail




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. It’s very sexy and undeniably sensual. After all, we would be doubling the sensory perception? That’s probably why we find it so often in erotica. And I think that not talking about it would be what makes the experience go off the rails. A couple plus one really needs to talk about having a ménage a trois. For real. 😎

      Delete
  10. Oh yes that's what I mostly do, three somes are the best, I probably have two or three a week, probably more than regular sex, it's because I am so wild in bed that couples constantly beg me to join them, happens all the time, I think I'm going to need a hip replacement from all that pumping!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I see your sense of humor is intact. That’s good! That’s the Steve we need 🤓🤓

      Delete
  11. Ok, a little late to the party, but finally made it. Yes we have talked about doing a threesome. You even went so far as to look through Craig’s list and found a prospect. And then there was that guy on tumblr. However, we’ve never been able to pull the trigger. We do find it intriguing, and I think some of it has to do with my desire to be topped. But with our schedules we have enough trouble finding time for just the two of us. I don’t think it’s totally off the table. If time and circumstances present themselves, and we’re in agreement, it could happen. But right now, I’ve got someone who keeps me interested. And the conversation sets the boundaries. I value what we have too much to jeopardize that.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

    ReplyDelete
  12. I do not speak from experience, but I would imagine a 3-way would be the hardest thing to pull off. First, both guys have to be interested in the same type of guy, which often does not happen unless both guys in the couple look alike and are attracted to each other. Then there's the trust, the scheduling, the boundaries, etc. I think it would be easier for couples who want some variety to simply allow each other to play with others.

    ReplyDelete

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