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Life after love

Cher just turned seventy three. Seventy three years old. When I was trolling the internet recently in one of the many posts I read a week, someone was saying that Madonna should be more like Cher.  That when Madonna said she had no peers to look up to she was lying. Well, I still think Madonna had no peers and that Cher is in a league of her own. Cher is still Cher. They both have different trajectories and have had different outcomes when acting (Cher has that Oscar, that Emmy, that Grammy, that Cannes award and so on and so forth) or when exploring tv (something Madge has not done). They have both evolved and changed their images but they could not be more different.

In any case, Cherilyn turning 73 reminded me of Believe, the song that catapulted her into the public eye after years of not charting and what was going on with me at the time that song came out. It was college. I was in a relationship that I’ve described here before (no need to rehash, right?) and the thing is that this song should have been kind of a mantra for me.  You see, the man whom I was dating at that time (and with whom I ended up living for a year) worked for a homophobic church and that made him be in the closet and he lived in an apartment owned by a crazy (and homophobic) landlady who looked through her back windows and berated him because she saw me leaving his house in the wee hours. Yep. That actually happened. There were issues there. I was so infatuated that I overlooked all the signs. And I paid for it.

So Believe comes out and Cher in all her auto-tuned glory basically laid the foundation for my way out of that relationship. I should have known the relationship was really not too good when he mocked me for trying to sing along Cher (I'm basically tone deaf, dear, so he was half right) and her fantastic contralto.  So I left him and we went our separate ways. I think he’s in California now (my exes seem to like that state and I’m happy with that). He still seems to be giving music lessons and working with pianos (thanks, google) and hopefully he’s happy now. We had issues. I understand he tried to go straight for awhile (I think he even got engaged to a girl?), gained and lost many, many pounds and I also think he tried to get over the fact that his dad was a religious man? A priest maybe? I’m not even sure because I never met anybody from his family. He functioned as a totally independent entity: no past and a murky present. Another red flag I waved away.  Add to that the antidepressants he stopped taking to be able to fuck me and you have the whole picture. I was the accident by the side of the road. And you could have not stopped looking.

I should have known better. I was the one who never  paid attention to all the smoking guns blazing my way. We are absolute idiots when we find a man we think loves us. Aren’t we?


So to celebrate her bday, here’s Cher and Tina, showing he children how it’s done:


  1. I’m not one to pay attention to lyrics. I have the radio on at work all day, but I couldn’t tell you the song that just played...it’s background noise. But there are artists that I do like, and Cher is one of them. Her voice is so identifiable and her songbook is extensive (duh, she’s been around forever).

    I sometimes envy those who can tell you where they were the first time they heard a song, or how it speaks to them. And that’s one of the many things that I like about you, babe. You’ll have to put one of Cher’s platters on some day and sing along for me. 😘

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

  2. Both legends in their own right. Madonna gets flack, but you know what, after 35 years...shes still here. I only hope to be able to still shake things st her age well. And cher....well, shes CHER!

  3. I do loves me some Cher!

  4. strange
    I too dated a clossetted guy when cher's I BELIEVE was out and popular.
    he was a strange fish but I was obsessed with him and overlooked that he would go to gay clubs with his friend without me but pretended to be married by wearing a wedding ring when he was at work/
    I finished with him eventually when he denied me one too many times

    I saw him and a young boyfriend trolling for sex on grindr the other week and he disappeared as soon as I said a friendly hello!

  5. I saw her in concert once at Madison Square Gardens (ah! my NY days) and loved her. She's one of a kind. Moonstruck is one of my fave movies. It has a line for any situation in life. The sure don't make them like that anymore. My Cher song: Song for the Lonely.

  6. WOOOOOOOOOSH! A wave of emotions I haven't felt in a long time. My first lover was married and faculty at an Evangelical college. Talk about NO happy endings! I think of him whenever I hear German lieder, Mahler in particular. His son still tracks me on the computer.

    Cher over Madonna.

  7. Cher's a Grand Piano
    Madonna's a... spinet


    "cause I've had time to think it through
    and maybe I'm too good for you" - YES YOU ARE!

    I believe in life after love; shitty love affairs from the past have made me stronger.

  9. @bae: yes! Her voice is unmistakable! 😎
    @maddie: I think Madge is doing just fine. She won’t go silently, that’s for sure!
    @debra: yes. Absolutely. A legend.
    @bob: me too! I wish I could see her in concert!
    @john: funny how we have all made the same fucking mistakes! He ghosted you? Chicken!
    @walter: ohhh I’ve heard it’s an EXPERIENCE. OMG same with Moonstruck! Cage is awesome in that movie. My fave is Believe, obvs. 😄😄
    @jimmy: we as gay men do share so many situations! And you should have left a mark, for his son to still remember you...
    @dave: I still think it’s apples and oranges!
    @anne Marie: truer words! I, too am the product of my mistakes.



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