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soundtrack to my life

So, let’s talk about the music that ‘gets us’. There are so many songs and artists that I associate with my life that I guess this could become a series. These are some that come to mind right away:

You know I'm no good.

First, Amy Winehouse. The first time I heard Amy Winehouse I was in my first ’serious’ job in academia and I was checking the sound system in my computer. This song came up and I was hooked. I even had to close my door so I could REALLY appreciate what was going on with my feels. Who was she? Where did she come from? She was singing about MY LIFE. I was a mess. Both the sound and the voice were incredible. I got totally obsessed with this record and had to go out and buy Back to Black and Frank. To this day, I can play the whole record without having to stop. So yeah, Amy.

Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty.

Janet has been a constant in my life for many years. Even before my first Janet concert (TLC opened for her) until her latest record, she's always had something to say to me. Now, with That's the Way Love Goes, she nailed it in the sense that sensuality and sexuality are not mutually exclusive but necessary. I thought this song was absolutely groovy and the fact that she dances with that big latin daddy gave me the feels. This song comes from an album that I truly love. It was hard to choose only one song from there.


I love the melody in this song. And I have a story for this one too: I gave a guy I was dating the lyrics to this song and he did NOT GET IT. I was like, really? Isn't it obvious what I'm trying to tell you? It's also part of the Bad Luhrmann Romeo and Juliet soundtrack and I adored that movie. So the guy never got the message. I think you know where that relationship went. I think that song has one of the catchiest hooks in pop music ever. For real.


This song means a lot to me. An ex told me he he thought about me when he played it. We had one of those torrid love affairs that we only have once in our lifetimes. I seriously think he could have been the love of my life, if I didn't have to go away to go to college. I have never known anybody who knew me as well and as deeply as he got to know me. We had one of those weird connections when you know exactly what to do and what to say to the other. He once said that making love to me was like an out of body experience. I never asked him to elaborate on that, though. I guess the intensity of it all kind of shook me a little. He passed away two years ago and I have not gotten over it. I cannot listen to this song without getting absolutely wrecked.


When I was seventeen or eighteen I used to hang out with a bunch of people that were kind of notorious and every parent in my neighborhood warned their children about hem.  In that group there was this older boy who had a reputation for being a player who suddenly took to hang out with me and my friends. One day, he kissed me absolutely out of the blue. He tasted like strawberries and mint. We were in a park where they were playing music through the sound system and they had a varied playlist going on. This song was playing while he kissed me and it became embedded in my mind. He then became my boyfriend and we were together for awhile. If I remember well,  he made me a mixtape that had this song in it. He was a buff redhead with big hands and soft lips and had the cutest freckles. Only a few sprinkled over his nose. He had beautiful eyes that were super sensitive to the sun and he constantly wore sunglasses. I sometimes wonder where he is now.


This song belongs with loud music and hot summer nights. My friend Mikey and I used to take the bus to go to The Eagle in Pittsburgh because I didn't have a car. Mikey would stay overnight at my place and we would take the opportunity to go out dancing and flirt with the leather daddies that used to populate the first floor of the Eagle. We would drink coke all night and hang out with the DJ, who would always play this song for us before we left at 11:50 pm. We needed to leave at that time because the last bus would go by at 11:59 and we needed to catch it or pay for a taxi. A night would end up costing $5 because we would get free coke refills all night.


I used to ride a purple Vespa while wearing earphones and shorts all summer long many years ago. I would get really really dark skinned after two months of that routine and would have to go to the beach to erase the weird tan lines I'd get from being constantly under the sun in shorts and t-shirts. I used to play this song on repeat while riding that scooter and it's forever linked to the feeling of wind on my face and sunny days. Whenever I hear it by accident or not, I get goosebumps.


I died the second I heard this song. The voice, the lyrics, the emotion. It was all there. Sam Smith was basically singing about... me. I have this problem with one night stands because I get emotionally drained after them. If I go to bed with a guy it's because I really like him and because I think there's a connection worth exploring. Hooking up over and over exhausts me to no end. When I heard this song, it was like someone had gone in my head and gotten the gist of it all and put it down to music. I love Sam Smith.


This song speaks to me because the visuals are basically how I feel when I smoke pot. I don't smoke pot often but when I do it, this is the song that comes to mind because the first time I saw the video I was like, OMG somebody just filmed my mind on cannabis. When I'm high, I get into this five-second-delay mode where I feel like life is going around me in slow motion. Besides Tove Lo is super extra cool.

handle me

Robyn is so chill it's almost ridiculous. Besides, this song totally applies to 89% of the guys I know. It takes a special kind of guy to be able to handle me. Seriously. Most men cannot figure me out and I confuse them. Some want to stay but they bore me. It's a never-ending cycle that sometimes gets to me.

And that's all for today. Maybe some other day I'll make you another playlist. So what's the playlist of YOUR life?


Oh, And one extra one. This one did carry me through some stormy weather in college. Somebody brought this song to class and talked about this new girl, Alanis. I heard the snarl and I was hooked. She literally said what I was thinking. "Do you think of me when you fuck her?" I've never heard any female singer say that. Ever since, she's been one of my fav singer songwriters.

You oughta know


  1. I love how much music lives in your life. You get the meanings of songs and the melody speaks to you. I loved when you used to make 8tracks oh so many years ago. You are a special guy with a huge heart. And despite the gruff exterior you often display to protect yourself, I have seen the real you. The passionate you; the loyal you; the caring you.

    I have the radio on all day at work, but I’d be hard pressed to tell you what song just played. For me, I hate the quite. I need the background sounds, I don’t want to call it noise. But every once in awhile there is a song that comes on that speaks to me, not often, but it does happen. And right now it’s a song by Lukas Graham: Love Someone https://youtu.be/dN44xpHjNxE

    A great post, babe.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

  2. Oh, mix tapes, LOL! I used to make them for girlfriends too. Interesting post!

  3. I always feel that when we reveal songs or music that means a lot to us, it's revealing an intimate part of who we are. I enjoyed your list.

  4. My taste in music is, how do I say it...atrocious. I'm embarrassed to talk about it. What's odd, however, is that I think more about the books in my life than the music. I do like music, but more than songs or artists, I'm all about the books I've read and how they changed my life. I carry my books in my pocket, thanks to the miracle of digital tech. While everyone around me listens to songs, I'm reading them or whatever I have currently on my reading list. Still, were I brave enough to tell you, I'd be listening to....no I can't do it.

  5. Amy Winehouse is my for sure. But as for the rest of my list....how long do you have.

  6. What! No Fallout Boy??

  7. You had me at Amy, whom I adore and cannot get enough of even if there's no more coming, and The Cure.

  8. "nowhere man" - beatles
    "behind blue eyes" - the who
    "the stranger" - billy joel
    "the pretender" - jackson browne
    "I'm still standing" - elton john
    "I will survive" - gloria gaynor
    "stayin' alive" - bee gees
    "I won't back down" - tom petty
    "believe" - cher

    MY personal songs

  9. @Bae: I know! 8tracks was lost cause I forgot the password! I'm getting senile.
    @Debra: I guess now people exchange Spotify playlists? LOL
    @Steve: that is true. Funny how something super fun can be super intimate?
    @Walter: OMG that's a great idea! And come on, tell me. I promise it'll be just between us...
    @Maddie: Love, love Amy. And I have a lot of time when it comes to music...
    @Dave: Ha! They are from Illinois, you know? I only remember Thanks for the Memories. And I remember the Pete Wenz nude photos...
    @Bob: I now right? Those two records I can play over and over and over. One that I never tire of? Valerie.
    @AnneMarie: girl, you rule so hard...



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