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Best gay possible

I was thinking I would ask our resident drag expert, Maddie, to talk about Panti Bliss, the fab Irish drag queen who a few years back called homophobes on their bullshit, but Maddie is on vacation. She's in some undisclosed location surrounded by pool boys and getting an overall tan, so it's gonna be me writing about Panti.

And why, would you wonder, am I bringing this up now? It's been years since she gave her talk about homophobia and the neat Orwellian trick straight homophobes tried to play on her by declaring that SHE was being homophobic when she called THEM homophobes. Yep. The straights were lecturing Panti about who could decide what was homophobic or not and who was supposed to feel offended by it. Pretty much what this administration is doing to people right now.

It may be worth remembering her speech, that has many, many on point observations, such as:

"Have you ever been on a crowded train with your gay friend and a small part of you is cringing because he is being SO gay and you find yourself trying to compensate by butching up or nudging the conversation onto "straighter" territory? This is you who have spent 35 years trying to be the best gay possible and yet still a small part of you is embarrassed by his gayness.

And I hate myself for that. And that feels oppressive."

Think about it. Have you tried to be the best gay possible but that little bit of internalized homophobia has gotten on the way? Have you ever checked yourself at a pedestrian crossing? No? You're fortunate.

But why don't you hear the whole speech, that Panti gave after a performance in the Abbey Theater in Dublin. I've posted it here, with a nice soundtrack that the Pet Shop Boys created just for her.

Think about the gay people who check themselves while standing at a pedestrian crossing, those who read the opinions of nice neighboring housewives who consider them intrinsically disordered, those who are oppressed in their own countries. Think about how entities, like our government tell us that we should not complain because we're not thrown off buildings while they take away our rights.

And I'll leave you with this, which encapsulates probably how many of us feel:

"I do, it is true, believe that almost all of you are probably homophobes. But I'm a homophobe. It would be incredible if we weren't. To grow up in a society that is overwhelmingly homophobic and to escape unscathed would be miraculous. So I don't hate you because you are homophobic. I actually admire you. I admire you because most of you are only a bit homophobic. Which all things considered is pretty good going.
But I do sometimes hate myself. I hate myself because I fucking check myself while standing at pedestrian crossings. And sometimes I hate you for doing that to me."



  1. I wish everyone could be comfortable with who they truly are, and not have to put on an act for fear of what others might say.

    I have a friend who was once criticized for being "all gay 24/7/365". he shot back that being gay 24/7/365 was the same to him as breathing, and he saw no reason to stop breathing.

  2. It’s horrible that we live in a time like this. You think progress is being made then one day changes everything. I fear for all LGBTQ individuals who are not comfortable being who they are in public. Though they are loved by many, it only takes one hater to break you.

    We need more people brave enough like Anne Marie ‘s friend and like you, babe.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨


  3. Well I certainly never check myself and I am the best gay man in the world EVER! Oh wait... Jimmy and Lurker read this blog.. darn.. I'm in deep now. Okay, okay, I confess... GUILTY!!! I'm always selectively gay. It bothers me at times, I internally call it, "straight privilege" taking advantage of my ability to appear straight. I'm working on it. Personally, I think you didn't need any help with this post.. it was excellent, makes us think!

  4. I Truly appreciate the fact of where I live. It allows ALL to be who they really are.
    BTW, sexySix, One of your favorite porn models is thinking about running for city commission here.

  5. Very interesting, though I don't think homophobic is the correct word. That implies fear and hatred of gays. I think all of us, at one time or other, have been embarrassed by one of our friends and there's a difference.

  6. @annamarie: and your friend was RIGHT.
    @bae: it’s a struggle. Being anti-gay is big business.
    @steven: LoL. Lurkie will school you on that. And don’t think straight privilege doesn’t exist. It’s as real as top privilege, two relics of heteronormativity.
    @john: she does! That shot, concise speech delivered a powerful message.
    @jimmy: yes, I live in a big city and it does advantages. And a porn star in government? Yes, please.
    @dave: well, that’s the definition of internalized homophobia, dear.



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