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Shiba and Koji

I am not really into the whole wedding thing. The institution of marriage does not really call my attention all that much. I understand the emotional need some people feel to be in a committed relationship but the idea of marrying another man is something I have really never pondered.

I have had long-term relationships and some that have lasted years, but I have never felt that pull that makes us take that extra step, that jump of the broom, that exchange of vows. I see marriage more as a social manifestation, a confirmation we offer to a certain social group of our own  maturity and willingness to commit to one person (of course not all marriages are monogamous and not all monogamous people are married) but bear with me.

The idea of getting married and letting the world know that we are adults and totally able to get someone to commit to living with us with all its accoutrements and rituals is not something I have thought I would like to do. I know it brings validation, especially in a same-sex relationship (not to mention security and the idea that we could make life and death decisions about the person we love) but all the extras that have to do with these celebrations and ceremonies kind of get to me. Too much pomp and circumstance.

That's why when I watched the Shiba and Koji video I was surprised to actually find it quite charming and actually thought for the first time that I would be kind of cool to have a ceremony like this one if I ever decide to tie the knot. Maybe what I cannot take is the conspicuous consumption attached to the Bridezilla tradition we are fed through the media. I would never spend unholy amounts of money in a costly dress that's going to be used once or in a banquet for 200 people who may or may not be happy for me. The wedding planning stage seems overwhelming and the cost staggering.

I know, I know, that 'simple' wedding in the video probably took months to plan. I also know that it's a once in a lifetime occurrence (for some, twice or more) but I find the whole thing way too much to bear. Just writing about it makes me tired. Maybe something simple would be more my thing. I don't follow any special tradition or faith (like the adorable Shiba and Koji, who take full advantage of their traditions) so maybe something minimalist would be more my cup of tea.

But that's something not in my plate right now. It may never actually materialize. I may be destined to be the somehow cute but preternaturally single uncle, or  when invited to any event it will always be my plus one and I, who may or may not be the same throughout the years. Always the groomsman, never the groom. And I think I'm ok with that.



  1. my parental units paid for my first wedding in 1982. was nothing fancy; 75 people attended the reception. I borrowed a dress from my MIL. there was no booze due to all the alcoholics on both sides of the family. and his side let me know how displeased they were. TOO FUCKING BAD! we were divorced in 1991.

    I married again in 1992; spouse and I paid for the wedding. was nothing fancy; 120 people attended the luncheon. no booze served; however, since this lunch was held in a hotel, the guests could go to the hotel bar and purchase their drinks...only 3 people did. none of my blood relatives were invited; it was his family and my (chosen) work family. still married 27 years later.

    nope, marriage is not for everybody, just like having kids.

  2. Marriage is real easy to get into and real difficult to get out of.

  3. We had a simple wedding, Justice of the Peace kinda thing,but it's something we both wanted.
    I'm all for marriage, but I am also all for people doing what makes them happy and best suits their lives.
    That said, I lovelovelove calling Carlos my husband.

  4. I agree with Bob. We were married by a gay judge in the courthouse. We got married for protection. My husband's family is Evangelical and if he were to pass before me, his family would come down and try to clean me out in the name of Jesus. Before we were married, we had wills to cover each other. So to me, marriage has its legal perks.

    When someone dies or divorces, money/possessions always come into play.

  5. if the mistress were here, you know she'd say marriage is a great institution. But who wants to be in an institution?

    married life for that one, once was enough me thinks.

  6. I'm totally a romantic and old fashion-ish, I would loved to have gotten married if I found the right guy. Looks like that isn't going to happen now but maybe for the Bette, I'm getting set in my ways. Lol.

  7. Marriage is not for everybody but we've been told for generations you need to get married... basically because religion hates bastards.

    Some people will stay single for their entire lives, and there's nothing wrong with that either, though for years it was frowned upon because you needed to get married and have babies. Bullshit.

  8. @annemarie: parental units are my word of the day!
    @debra: that’s a clear and concise definition.
    @bob: yes! That’s a good alternative. And I bet it feels awesome.
    @jimmy: and that’s probably the best argument pro marriage: to avoid the bigots fucking up our lives.
    @anitia: haha nobody wants to be THAT committed.
    @steven: oh absolutely. There’s that super romantic notion of it. But I’m with you in the getting set in our ways.
    @dave: it becomes an imposition and then it’s just not fun anymore.



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