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I'm no good


The first time I heard Amy Jade Winehouse I was driving to Cleveland in a three door Saturn that had the bad habit of discard engines like I did hair colors. I loved that little car, even though it was temperamental and had a peculiar color (people said maroon, but I said Bordeaux, because of course I did). I later learned they don't make them anymore. I loved that car. While driving, Amy came on the radio and my friend and I looked at each other and basically went: WHO IS THAT? It was Rehab. And we were hooked. We bought the CD on our way back home and played it nonstop for days. A week later I bought Frank. And the rest is history.

When I like an artist, it usually happens like that. In a second, I'm a fan. Amy was the soundtrack of that part of my life, from around 2006 and even to this day listen to her songs. Her lyrics always spoke to me. Her voice (what I'd learn to know as a passionate alcohol-soaked growl and that unmistakably behind-the-beat phrasing) always sends me. Every. Fucking. Time.

Today it's been nine years since she died. I'm still not over it and never will, so I decided to make a post in her honor. So here's to you, Miss Winehouse.

In My Bed

Now it's not hard to understand
Why we just speak at night
The only time I hold your hand
Is to get the angle right
Everything is slowing down
River of no return
You recognise my every sound
There's nothing new to learn



This song slays me. I've been in this relationship she's singing about here, that's for sure. She seems to have read my mind when she wrote it. I've been led to sleep with a man because we were 'together' but there was not really much keeping us in the relationship but the passing comfort of sex. Absolute inertia. It's that relationship that stays alive by willpower. You know it's ending but you just cannot let go. And then one day, it's over. Just like that. You just cannot keep up with the charade and he's gone.


Fuck Me Pumps

You did too much E, met somebody
And spent the night getting caned
Without girls like you there'd be no fun
We'd go to the club and not see anyone
Without girls like you there's no nightlife
All those men just go home to their wives
Don't be mad at me 'cause you're pushing thirty
And your old tricks no longer work
You should have known from the jump
that you'd always get dumped
So dust off your fuck me pumps



I HAD this acquaintance. I KNEW this person. This song reminds me of those men who used to get into too tight Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirts and ripped jeans and flip-flops in the dead of November and prowl the gay bars in Cleveland. We have all met them: with the spray tan, the penchant for E, the cruise ship and White Party stories. The Gucci wallet that you knew was a gift and the frosted tips that hid a bald spot. Amy nails it. As always.

Also, I do want a big baller. A rich man, six-foot-two or taller.


You Know I'm No Good

I'm in the tub, you on the seat
Lick your lips as I soak my feet
Then you notice likkle carpet burn
My stomach drop and my guts churn
You shrug and it's the worst
Who truly stuck the knife in first?
I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you I was trouble
You know that I'm no good



This has been me, to be frank. Quite literally, too. He was a good man. I was a lousy little bitch, too young and too stupid to understand what we had. Oh, I warned him I was no good. Many times. And still, he stuck around. We lasted about seven years and we broke up because I was going to grad school in WV. This song still kinda tears me up, because I have not talked to him in many, many years. I sometimes wonder what he's up to but I don't dare find out. I'm a coward.

Valerie

Since I've come home
Well my body's been a mess
And I've missed your ginger hair
And the way you like to dress
Won't you come on over?
Stop makin' a fool, out of me
Why don't you come on over Valerie..
Valerie, Valerie, Valerie...



I have no idea why this song affects me so. I'ts about a girl, after all. But her voice! That phrasing! Also, this song kind of came out of nowhere and it hit me. It's a Mark Ronson collab and she sang it live at a Brits award in 2008. And there was Amy. A wisp of a girl, all eyeliner and beehive and high heels, singing in that voice of hers. I could not get it out of my head for weeks. The video is basically an homage to Amy because she does not appear in it. I had never listened to the original version of the song until recently. Amy's blows it out of the water, IMHO.

Amy's voice has always gotten under my skin and her songs make me stop whatever I'm doing to pay attention.  And I think this song is proof of that. I think it is one of my fav songs and I don't even know why. I think her passing was tragic and unnecessary. Fame crushed her. People want to be famous but they have no idea what that means. Amy was in a collusion course with destiny, I guess. A fragile soul with an uncanny talent for songwriting and a voice like few. I have all her records. I also have my very own Amy Winehouse days, usually in winter. It may be the lack of sunshine. I'm a tropical fruit, natch. Usually when it's snowing I need a moment to myself and there's always Amy to keep me company.

Hope you found peace, Amy. You were gone way too soon.

XOXO



Comments

  1. It’s awesome the connection you have with Amy. I’ve never met anyone who is so tuned into the mood of a song as you are. That is a special gift, babe.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOVE HER!
      And you know how music affects me. Sometimes I think that contributes to my getting moody...

      XOXO

      Delete
  2. she was an autentic gifted star! Unfortunately not enough strong

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely agree.
      We lost a great talent. The fame monster is merciless though. And we were starting the crazy social media assault when she was coming up. The tabloids were also savage. Anybody would have succumbed to that.

      XOXO

      Delete
  3. Girl was the original hot mess. Poor dear. Could never rise above it and swim with the other fishes. We all relate. Her gift? It's an acquired taste, to be sure. I know it all comes from a very real place, so you cannot argue the authenticity. It is a shame that she's gone. But that is part of her legacy. Sixpence... I drove nothing but Saturns for 20 years. I remember test driving that three-door model and thinking... uh, huh. This will model with be discontinued within the year and it will be recall city. I loved everyone of my Saturns, was sad when they were bought out, as they were never the same. I was going to run my last one into the ground, but my mechanic screwed up and missed something rather crucial. It rendered the vehicle unsafe, so I had to choose something else. Made me mad. And sad. Thanks for sharing this, hon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes!
      I think you nailed it: she was authentic. Also, a hot mess at the end. Fame is not for everybody. And I loved my Saturn! It served me well for years. They also had the best customer service, I swear.

      XOXO

      Delete
  4. not my cuppa tea; girl was a hot mess. left just like janis joplin and jimi hendrix.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha
      Yes, some people thought she was just ok. And she was a hot mess. That's why I liked her!
      Jimi and Janis also belong to that 27 club. Kurt and Jim Morrison two...

      XOXO

      Delete
  5. Oh, holy.... Yep. That voice, husky with too much booze, smoking(?), and phrasing usually on the upbeat rather than the down. No doubt about the talent there, nor the authenticity of the lyrics. I felt really bad for her father when she OD'ed. But, genuine talent when mixed with a certain vocal tone can turn me to mush, I'll be a lifelong fan. If an album is released, I'll buy it. So far that list includes Ronstadt, Pink, Adele, Lady Gaga, and, of course, it all started with Barbra. 😊

    Loved Saturns. Had two. The first was totaled in an accident. Bought another. Had that until the clutch was too much for me. Sold it. If they hadn't shut down the operation, I would've bought another with an automatic. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love the way she sings.
      Somebody once explained to me that upbeat style but me, not knowing anything about music, forgot about it. Her dad loved her!
      Also a lifelong fan, that's for sure. P!ink and Gaga! And last year I bought like three Streisand album in one visit to my fav record store! Her voice is fantastic!
      And I loved that little car. I've heard of Saturn but never had one. I never knew why they shut down though...

      XOXO

      Delete
    2. As I recall, GM decided during the downturn to discontinue the brand. They were great cars, though.

      Delete
    3. Ooohh so that's why!
      I really liked my Saturn. I would have gotten another one if they wouldn't have gone out of business...

      XOXO

      Delete
  6. Amy was amazing. I still listen to her and fall in love all over again. She gives me modern day Billie Holiday vibes.

    Sidenote: we had a Saturn and I, too, loved that car. I almost cried when we had to sell it because, again,they don't make that style any longer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes!
      Like Billie's voice, it's the feeling behind it that always gets me.
      And I can't believe so many people had Saturns! I still saw my model on the road years after I sold mine. They were using Chrysler parts to service it, I think.

      XOXO

      Delete
  7. Im done. I did this exactly post over a week with these exact songs and others for her 5 anniversary of death. She was and still is my favorite singer. She WAS THE ONLY artist and truly didnt give a fuck what people thought. I can still remind I got to the Raven pool that day when I heard the news. I just got there ordered a drink...heard the news...drink it straight down...packed up everything and came home...after only just getting there and cried the whole way home. I was sad all weekend and for some time. That never happened to me with a famous person before and still hasn't. SHE WAS IT. It was on my bucket list to have a drink with her one day at some pub in england. I have every CD she's done...many only stayed in the UK.

    I love you for this post.

    One a side note In My Bed and Back to Black were my all time favorites of hers. Closely followed by Tears Dry on Their Own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And the car I had when I moved here? The same Bordeaux Saturn!!!!!! I had it forever....till it died at 310, 000 some miles.

      Delete
    2. GUUURRRRL!
      I'm telling you ...! Great minds...
      And we have talked before about how much we like her. I loved her not giving two fucks about people. The day she died was crushing. Gosh, it was everywhere. They showed those grainy videos of her baby talking to some kittens and I was devastated.
      I have two of her live sets on DVD. Would have loved to see her live. Even drunk and on high heels she had more in her than many 'singers'.
      In My Bed always sends me. Always. Back to Black is a classic. Tears Dry on Their Own also slays me.
      And I cannot believe you had that car! Wasn't it cool? I loved it to death. Mine had like two hundred thousand when I sold it. LOL
      What are the odds?

      XOXO

      Delete
    3. After it died....i went on to have two more Saturn's. I got totaled when someone hit me....and the ion I got next last also very long 198 000. When they closed up i was shocked and upset. But I've been very happy with Mazada ever since. Their service also pastels Saturn's. I'm on my second Mazada now.

      I am listening to Amy today because of you.

      Delete
    4. Oh, Really? I was also surprised! My car dealer was super cool. I got free washes all the time. I have never had a Mazda. When I was in college I wanted a Miata LOL
      Amy is always good listening, I swear.

      XOXO

      Delete
  8. Wonderful tribute post! She's one of my faves too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww
      Thanks Debra! She was fantastic. I got her boxed LP set as a gift. I treasure it.

      XOXO

      Delete
  9. She is always compared to Joplin. She is in a class of her own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree.
      They share the tragic 27 number and both were snarled by fame, but their styles are very different.

      XOXO

      Delete

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