Straight A
After the initial shock wore off, then we had a good conversation. He asked a lot of thoughtful questions which tell me instantly he understands. He told me not to be nervous about telling another of our co-workers, because that guy's brother who he is close to is gay, I didn't know that. It was the end of the day and before he left, he thanked me for placing my trust in him. That's something I love about telling people, they feel honoured that I place my trust in them and it brings us a little closer.
It was National Coming Out Day recently and I thought about Steven and what he wrote about coming out to a co-worker. Coming out is a very personal thing. For those of us who have never been in the closet, it's sometimes baffling seeing people putting themselves in absolutely crushing situations and twisting themselves into incredible positions to justify not coming out. But for what I've seen, each case is different. Not everybody can come out at their own leisure.
Be it out of fear of rejection, upbringing, family pressures, religion or social norms, not everybody feels they can safely come out. Some people do not want to come out. There's too much at stake for them to even think about it. Some people stay in the closet their whole lives. Some take little steps and come out to some people. Some break free and start a whole new life. Coming out is a very personal decision and not a size fits all kind of situation.
Coming out during a pandemic could be a tricky thing, too. We never know how people (especially our own family) would react to news like this. This pandemic may have caused many people (younger and older) to stay in the closet. I hope they understand that it does get better but that it may require patience and maybe better timing. The pandemic will not last forever. Coming out sometimes does require a specific time and a special place and these may be neither.
Stay safe. It'll get better.
XOXO
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We were all happy for Steven when he posted that. It seemed like a huge weight off his shoulders.
ReplyDeleteYou’re right about coming out. Some of us may never make that journey and shoulder that weight forever. Others will find the time and courage to open that door. For each of us it’s a very personal and sometimes agonizing decision. As you pointed out there are many things to consider.
As we saw in the video, sometimes those closest to us already know and are just waiting for us to trust them. That was a very touching scene and very sweet.
XOXO 👨❤️💋👨
On, totally.
DeleteSteven seemed really happy and we were all happy with him. I think it went much better than what he thought. We always think 'worst-case-scenario' with these situations. I'm glad he did it, though. It seemed terribly important to him.
And some people may never come out. It's a fact of life.
XOXO
Coming out is indeed an individual thing. It's about being able to afford to come out - because, we do risk rejection, anger, condemnation and even physical violence. People need to feel safe. Trust has to be established... and their lives need to be in a place where they can support themselves. Hope you are doing well, dear. This covid thang... ugh. And it looks like we could be in this situation until next June! So, I suspect there will be a lot of people who, for their own safety and security, will be staying in their closet. Sad, but everybody does not have the luxury to come out right now. Take care. Have a lovely weekend.
ReplyDeleteI think you nail it, Upton:
DeleteIt's about being able to afford to come out. People who come out need to be able to stand on their own, in case their affective and social circles fail them. It's not something easily done. I feel for the people who have had to stay closeted during this pandemic.
XOXO
I wish people didn't have to live in a closet. it makes me sad that an individual cannot be his/her true self. :(
ReplyDeleteSame!
DeleteIt's such a heavy burden. The closet can be one of those crushing experiences that few are able to stand.
XOXO
It was yesterday I left Steven a comment saying that I missed him. The comment is no longer there. That makes me sad. I hope he is ok.
ReplyDeleteAwww...
DeleteThat was so nice of you! I think he has not posted anything since then. Many people commented, though. I also hope he's ok. I miss reading him.
XOXO
Coming out is hard, but has to be done. And the more of us that come out, the easier it is for those who are still waiting.
ReplyDeleteI remember coming out to my best friend and him telling me that it didn't matter and that I was the same person I always was ... and then he never spoke to me again.
It's hard, but it needs to be done. Luckily for me, he was the only one who responded that way.
I agree that the more of us that come out, the easier it is for those who are still in the closet. It's something that thwarted the war that the religious wrong started with the LGBTQ movement: the normalization of the GAY.
DeleteIt was a big scary thing, coming out, when we were basically pathologized by the bigots. Sorry about your best friend. But it seems he was not that, after all. His loss.
XOXO
It's an individual and personal choice. The consequences can be devastating. Dear Abby had a letter recently from a woman whose son came out many years ago. She shunned him, never spoke to him again...until she was destitute and he heard. His siblings who also shunned him refused to help the mother who had doted on them and their families. He called and offered her a place to live. All those wasted years. So, sometimes I guess it does get better.
ReplyDeleteThe attitude some people still have to the LGBT community is something I will never understand. They look at one aspect of a person and decide that person is garbage. Makes me angry. But mostly it makes me sad.
Have a wonderful weekend. XOXO
It is VERY personal, Big. Very personal.
DeleteAnd this man is such a nice person! Much better person than myself, I'd have to say. But I think this would hopefully give this woman pause and make her atone for being such a cunt.
And people who focus on who I fuck do not have my attention. Never have. I cordially despise them.
XOXO
I agreed with you! And I was out since lifted from the pool of glitter from my mother's womb...so I can't even comprehend what they go through. Or the fear. I just see it as if people have a problem with gay....peace bitch!!! It's actually a good thing to come out....you really see who your true friends are then.
ReplyDeleteAnd since coming out at work....i hope steven is alright.....he seems to have disappeared.
Same.
DeleteHave always been pretty much gay. I've always tried to be supportive of people who struggle with it, though. It's not an easy decision to make for some.
I hope Steven writes soon, though. I want to know how he's doing ...
XOXO
Coming out was the best thing I ever did and I have never regretted it. It cost me one job and a few hateful relatives but it was a negligible price to pay compared to the many, many benefits which resulted.
ReplyDeleteYes!
DeleteThere may be a price to coming out. But a lifetime of peace of mind is indeed worth a job and some haters.
XOXO
it is a serious problem, except perhaps in northern European countries (Sweden, Norway, Finland, UK). In Italy there are some improvements, but it can always be dangerous: there have been several cases in which parents have denied their son because he had revealed that to be gay. Centers have also been created to temporarily host these boys and girls and trans, thrown out of their home.
ReplyDeleteOh, I can imagine.
DeleteIt's that catholic mindframe. The idea of the binary is firmly entrenched in societies that follow it. I'm glad there seems to be progress, though. LGBTQ youth needs to be protected at all costs.
XOXO
I find it exciting how coming out stories are changing, how people feel so much safer now.
ReplyDeleteIt's true.
DeleteHave you noticed how so many stories just treat the rite of passages for queer kids not as a perilous, life/death journey for queer youth but as a normal life event? There's still some tragic stories, but having more LGBTQ characters come out early has made it much better for a whole generation of queer kids.
XOXO
Sadly, we must hang onto our hats... The "thing" that will be confirmed to the SCOTUS today will be taking us right back to the days of Men loving Men as illegal. She'll help the other conservatives on the court make it so and as quickly as they possibly can. I would be mighty surprised if we don't go right back to the days of Jim Crow, too. She's that toxic.
DeleteI think we continually come out, or have to come out. It isn't a one time thing. And there are constant decisions about who we come out to, when we come out etc.
ReplyDeleteStay safe. And yes, coming out is a very personal thing.
You know what?
DeleteThat can be true. Especially if we don't comply with what people think is 'gay'. I have friends who just don't care about clarifying that they have a boyfriend, not a girlfriend. They just let it slide.
XOXO