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Mila Jam



I like non-binary folks. I think they're brave, interesting and absolutely fabulous. Stepping outside of the binary is not an easy feat. Many people get killed for doing just that, too. One of the first non-binary people I have had in my life is my friend Abandon. I've known them since college, when we used to raid the local Goodwill and the bookstores of Morgantown, WV in search of clothes and furniture and anything we could find to make our little one bedrooms (and ourselves) cute and cozy. Those were the times.  

We have never really lost touch. We still talk from time to time (they moved to Seattle, and they are still in academia) and they keep me updated with the comings and going of their life and times via text. I wish we lived closer, though. Oh, we used to have a grand time together, feeding off each other's queerness and raising some hell. I can still remember how they, all of five feet four inches, took on a carful of fratboys who were screaming 'faggots!' at us from the street. Yeah. Good times. You don't mess with Abandon.


I cannot really understand why is it that people find it so difficult to use other people's preferred pronouns. I don't even think it's that woke, to be honest. Is it the Grammar Police in them that bristles at the use of what's considered a third person plural for a singular subject, or is it just that the binary is so entrenched in our minds that deviating from it just a little causes stupor? I don't know. By the way, my pronouns are in my my work email. And I would do the same if I were a medical doctor, or a lawyer, and I wanted to be addressed by my title. A title or a pronoun help people address you. It's simple. It's a way to make sure people treat you the way you want to be treated or address you the way you want to be addressed. 

It does take practice, though. But Merriam-Webster gives us an idea of the times to come:

Nonbinary they takes a plural verb, despite its singular referent, which can make the grammatically conservative uncomfortable. It's helpful to remember that the pronoun you was initially plural, which is why it too takes the plural verb even when it's referring to a single person. "You are" has, of course, been perfectly grammatical for centuries, even when the "you" is an individual.

The language's lack of an exclusive gender-neutral pronoun is a famous deficit, and they has been quite ably filling in for more than 600 years. Its use largely goes unnoticed in such constructions as "No one has to use it if they don't want to"—a use that has long been covered in our dictionaries—and it's quite possible that the nonbinary they is headed for a similarly unremarkable fate.

Overall, I find the idea of addressing people the way they want to be addressed is a sign of courtesy and a small price to pay to help someone feel comfortable in their own skin. Or at least that's what I have always thought. Meanwhile, why don't we enjoy Mila Jam covering this über-gay anthem by The Weather Girls? 

Go ahead, I support you.


P.S. this is one of those songs I'd love Upton to go over when he does the 'who did it better'.... Of course it'd be The Weather Girls, but wouldn't it be fun? 


Comments

  1. It's called Good Manners. Someone tells you how to address them [he/him, she/her,, they/them] then just do it.
    It's not rocket science.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right?
      You would think it's a huge imposition that requires both stamina and mental effort.

      XOXO

      Delete
  2. I share your opinion on the courage of non-binary people. I, however, as a cisgender gay man, I swear to you that I love men. I wonder how everyone isn't at least bisexual. Sometimes I wonder what women can know about masculine beauty!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Non-binary people are awesome.
      And I have never totally understood the men-woman struggle either, Xersex. It escapes me.

      XOXO

      Delete
    2. Also, Italian (like Spanish, Portuguese and French) is a gendered language. Is there an equivalent to the singular 'They' in Italian?

      XOXO

      Delete
    3. in Italian we should use "They" as follow
      Essi (they male gender) stanno correndo
      Esse (they female gender) stanno correndo
      =They're running.

      But in fact everyone say: LORO stanno correndo (read below).

      But if I say: Io vedo loro correre (I see them running) loro is both male and female gendered.

      So I can say that as you use them like we use LORO, which, as in English, can be masculine and feminine.

      Delete
  3. I only know two people who identify as non binary....and it seems like forever that they used pronouns. So when your around it for so long...I guess it doesn't seem new.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That kind of nails it: when you're around people who use neutral pronouns, it seems natural.
      It's new to people who do not know anybody who is not in the binary.

      XOXO

      Delete
  4. I don't think it will ever be anything more than trendy among a certain group. People are too selfish to be anything more than I, my, or me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, in 2019 Merriam-Webster chose it as 'word of the year'. It's really not that trendy right now. And I can imagine the Big Orange Box you work for does not do equity or cultural awareness training, but any institution that receives government funding/funding in general needs to be inclusive. It's common practice not to be discriminatory.

      XOXO

      Delete
  5. The adolescent son of a young couple we know just came out as non-binary a few months ago. It's funny to watch their older and conservative relatives struggling with the they/them pronouns. But it's also gratifying to see those relatives trying their best to be supportive and accepting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There you go.
      People nowadays are able to put a name to who they are and are able to articulate that more clearly to others. It's super sweet that their older relatives are responding in such a way. There's hope.

      XOXO

      Delete
  6. The grammatical incongruence...it's been pounded into our heads since the day we started learning to talk: a singular object, place, or person does not compute to a plural. If we made that "mistake," we were corrected. It's a tough thing to relearn, don't you know..... XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Totally.
      But grammar (as well as languages) change over time. Chaucer was using the singular 'they' in the Canterbury Tales, natch. Dickens, Austen and James have used it. Normative grammar is stubborn, though...

      XOXO

      Delete
  7. Just because it doesn't make sense doesn't mean to you doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do. If we could all practice a little more common courtesy and respect then it would get us to a much better place in this world of ours. Take care, Sixpence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Correct. It does not have to make sense to us, because we are not the person asking to be called by those pronouns.
      Common courtesy and respect are scarce, though.

      XOXO

      Delete
  8. It is a common courtesy. If someone tells you their name is John and you continually call them Fred, that’s disrespectful. Yes it may take time to learn the correct way to address someone, but if you try and occasionally fail, you’ll be forgiven as long as you continue to make an effort.

    And reading the blurb from Merriam-Webster was pretty enlightening. I never would think of saying “you is” for the singular since we were taught that the correct phrasing is “you are.” 🤦🏼‍♂️

    XOXO 👨🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏽

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is indeed common courtesy.
      If someone butchers you name, you gently correct them. It happens all the time. It's the effort that counts.
      And the You Is is stigmatized because it's part of the African American Vernacular, bae. Simple as that.

      XOXO

      Delete
  9. Love this song. And this is a great rendition. As for calling someone by their preferred pronoun? No skin off anyone's anything. It's the polite thing to do. And when we get it wrong, politely correct us. We'll get with the program. It's like my name. There is a common shortened version that people assume they can call me by... they cannot. I point it out. I say something. There is only one person who may call me that shortened version... and he ain't you. So be polite. Do the right thing. This was lovely. Thanks, doll. Your days of bargain hunting sound like a dream. I did the same thing with a bestie. Oh, we talked trash and raked through it looking for gold. Kizzes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, those days in Morgantown were fantastic, Upton. So much fun.
      And the example with your name is kinda perf. Mine also has a shortened version and only my closest and dearest would ever dare call me that. I'd cut a bitch.
      The use of the third person plural pronouns in the singular is made to be woke and 'new' when indeed it's been around for a long time and people refuse to use them just because they think it's an affectation.
      Love that you liked the song! I thought it was witty and fun.

      XOXO

      Delete

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