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ur just horny


I was talking to my friend a few days ago and we got to commiserate about what she calls the 'sad state' of her love life. We usually slid into each other's DMs and rant and rave about life and love, because of course that's what we do. She lives in PA and I live in IL, so there's that. Oh, and the pandemic, that's right. We don't see each other often lately but she's been in Chicago and I've made it to Akron a few times over the years. 

We go way back and we usually talk about stupid shit and pop music and life and we got to talk about her ex. So the one guy she had been seeing that had been absolutely shitty (emotionally unavailable, incapable of commitment, slightly cold, I thought he didn't appreciate her, the works..) kept pestering her. And like every shitty ex, he would not take a 'no' for an answer and just went back to being a whiny little boy to get his way. Oh, he wanted to sleep with her. But that's something that happens very often after we break up with someone (or mostly when they break up with us) and we keep seeing them: they want their freedom and being 'single', but they want ex sex. Oh, yes, toxic, hot, ex sex. And sometimes we fall for it. Because ex sex is good, because we have stripped all the bullshit off the relationship and the problems and the arguments and the fuckery are gone and all it's left is lust. And lust is a very, very strong feeling. Almost as strong as love. But honey, he's just horny.

What we decided is that it's not like our exes want to 'get back' with us and mend the relationship: it's that they're horny and want to fuck us because we are good in bed. Fuck and run, I call it. And sometimes that fuck and run is a necessary evil in that period of time in between the breakup and the realization that we really don't want to have a relationship with them anymore. But we all know exes are no good. And ex sex is not good. Some exes are emotional vampires with a boner. You may know what I'm talking about.

I told her that if I heard that she was letting that horrible little man rub himself against her I was gonna let her have it. She cackled and told me that she'd never let him get within ten feet of her goodies ever again. I considered that mission accomplished. 

XOXO

P.S. This one's for you, Mac. From me to you, with no love lost



Comments

  1. They play that song on Sirius XM alternative music and I turn it off. The title and the lyric were written for the purpose of being commercially crass in order to make money.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They play the original version?
      I've only heard the clean version on the radio. Maybe because it's Sirius? And I think it was very Punk Rock of her to publish the non-sanitized version of the song. Ever since Peaches I have not heard a rocker chick be so much fun.

      XOXO

      Delete
  2. I have known many folks that should have that song sung to them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha
      I know, right? It does get to the point.

      XOXO

      Delete
  3. You are very wise, honestly. I can't add anything else, except that you are a dear friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww
      Thanks, Xersex! You're too cool.

      XOXO

      Delete
  4. Ex-sex. Funny. I just got an email about that with a bit of a twist when she made a booty call and found out he was fucking a guy. Ah, the Perils of Pauline. #amiright XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ex-sex is a thing, according to me. LOL
      And that should have been quite the surprise, no?

      XOXO

      Delete
  5. Once the relationship is over, put the lid on the cookie jar! Otherwise you're just asking for more trouble and heartache.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG yes.
      Some relationships just need to end. I am still friends with one of my exes, though. I think the problem arises when there's still sexual attraction between you and them Then it can get out of control easily.

      XOXO

      Delete
  6. I just know that I NEVER want to get on your bad side. You may be smaller, but you’re a force.

    XOXO 👨🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏽

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahah
      Oh, you know that being mouthy is always gonna get me in trouble.

      XOXO

      Delete
  7. Boy does this bring back memories. I know your line "it's that they're horny and want to fuck us because we are good in bed" line. I remember when I and my ex decided to call it quits, because we were going into two different directions. But otherwise ended it over nothing negative. We agreed till he moved out, I WOULD stay in the bedroom, and he slept in the living room. But I had to cut the sex because it would just confuse me and not be able to move on. His trick would be after I was in bed and asleep, he'd sneak in and start feeling my cock up under the sheets. Well, I always got hard, and we'd end up having sex and sleeping together. Even after he moved out, there were times he'd crash at my place. He'd catch a glimpse of my bugle in jeans and that would be it!!! He'd be on his knees in front of me. One thing about him, we were always sexual compatible. I remember crashing at his place once in Philly when I was down there for the night and missed the last train out. I ended up hooking up with his ginger roommate. After that, and over time, it finally changed, and we are now able to be good friends without the sex..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THIS!
      This is exactly what I'm talking about. Probably what Debra had in mind, too. When the sex is good, it's the last thing to go and it's very dangerous because you're totally vulnerable emotionally and it can fuck you up.
      I've done it and it messes with your head. Never again.

      XOXO

      Delete
  8. Were you drunk when you wrote this? Because it makes sense to me and I'm drunk... sort of. Two martinis in. Love that vid. Love that song. Dave R. ? WTF. Anyway. Love that you shared this. I don't feel that way about any of my exes because I typically put as much distance between me and them as I can. Oh, what I wanted to tell you is... I loved this post. It was better than a SITC episode. Seriously. And I miss that shit. Okay. You the best. Kizzes. Nite.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha
      I was not but I think I probably write as if I were five Cosmos in. I also love the song and how in-your-face but true it is. Oh, SATC. I have not watched the reboot cause I wanna keep my memories of Carrie intact.
      *smooches*

      XOXO

      Delete

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