Post-coital
Oh, yes. I have fallen for the most absolutely wrong kind of man I could find. Yep. I'm that boy.
I have fallen for men who are too into themselves to pay attention to anything but... themselves.
I have fallen for men who have used me in several ways, especially for sex.
I have fallen for men who have belonged to someone else.
I have fallen for men who have tried to hide me away from the world (à la Girls Just Wanna Have Fun).
I have fallen for men who have made being emotionally unavailable their goal in life.
The one thing I have never done is fall for a man and try to change him. It's funny, because that's the one thing I have indeed learned very well: you cannot change anybody. You cannot make yourself feel for a man who feels for you. You cannot make a man feel the same way you do about him. You cannot change the chronic cheater. You cannot change the insecure. You cannot change the self-centered. You cannot change the closet case. You cannot change anybody to fit your script.
You cannot teach anybody to love. But you can still love them. And you do, no matter what. Dopamine is a hell of a motivator.
Funny, how seeing @FEFEDOBSON visit Greg and Mitch's loft brought back so many memories. It's even funnier how a song can make you think about all those men who have had something to do with you before. And still, you fall in love.
XOXO
FCKN IN LOVE by Fefe Dobson
Stream / Download - lnk.to/FCKNINLOVE
Follow Fefe:
http://instagram.com/iamfefemusic
http://www.tiktok.com/@fefedobson
http://twitter.com/iamfefemusic
http://www.facebook.com/fefedobson
http://www.fefemusic.com
P.S. my love affair with Fefe Dobson has been going on for awhile...
Whoa. 2003 called. It wants its pop punk rock back.
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I'm with ya, Six. The mistakes I've made are mind blowing!
ReplyDeleteOh, totally.
DeleteLooking back, most times I wonder what I was thinking. But they do say tha hindsight is 20/20, right?
XOXO
Mistakes have taught me not to fixate on men for whom I always have to move, write or call. it's clear that I'm certainly not a priority and I honestly don't want to be a beggar. So, better alone and just have sex. If I ever meet someone worth getting involved for, fine. But it must really be worth it.
ReplyDeleteOh, those men are definitely not worth our time.
DeleteBetter alone than in bad company, right? It's something that sometimes takes us years to understand.
XOXO
I think we’re all prone to mistakes. The key is learning from them, but sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants, and it’s difficult to get past it. Hopefully we can minimize the pain and heart ache.
ReplyDeleteXOXO 👨🏼❤️💋👨🏽
Correct.
DeleteAnd learn we do. The problem is that the heart sometimes makes us blind to things we truly need to see...
XOXO
Mistakes are the greatest teachers in life, you just have to make sure you learn from them.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes.
DeleteAnd I think we all should make them. It's the only way to learn about ourselves.
XOXO
Oh, have I been there.... The first wife. Yup. I learned from that one, by golly. A few relationships after that found further lessons about the nature of people. Which is probably why marriage #2 has lasted so long. We were friends way before we were lovers. The kind of friends who didn't hide anything, who talked about everything. I knew she wanted me. She knew I didn't want anyone. We knew each other well. You have to ***like*** the person you're going to spend that much time with. XOXO
ReplyDeleteYou may be right.
DeleteThe reason marriage #2 has been good is probably due to your understanding people (and yourself) much better. And you are right. you have got to like the one you're with. Otherwise, it's all gonna fall down like a house of cards.
XOXO
We're all fools for love.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes.
DeleteAnd I've been a fool way too many times.
XOXO
A mistake is just a chance to grow. And learn.
ReplyDeleteBut, yeah, I made some foolish choices back in the day.
We all have, haven't we?
DeleteAnd those mistakes are sometimes needed. Growing pains, right?
XOXO
Isn't that a powerful thing to have learned? I figured it out only nine years ago, when I met The Boyfriend. And it goes a step further, too... there are things you can't change about yourself, as well... and those have to be accepted, too. My anger used to be my dirty NOT SO secret. It was and remains my shame. But - recognizing it and all the triggers? That's where I'm working with that. But... no... it's not going anywhere, so I just work to minimize it's reach and potency. Other people? Forget it. They are who they are because of their childhoods. Their parents. There schooling, or lack thereof. I keep telling myself all the time... I am in love with this person - and all that baggage? That's part of the package. Again... work to minimize what's not working for you and reduce the potency of the things you're having difficulty dealing with. To be honest... relationships aren't about compromise - they are about compensating. All my relationships? I stopped complaining about what's not going to change and started compensating for what's lacking. It's an easy thing to do, too. In fact, by doing that, I'm being truer to myself and... a guess what? There's a lot less drama and a lot less anger. I'm relatively happy... which is more happy than I have ever had in my entire life.
ReplyDeleteLove Fefe, BTW. Wish I could still be a club kid.
It is!
DeleteIt took me a minute but I think I've learned it. And people are indeed who they are due to their childhood, parents, schooling... When we fall in love with them, we fall in love with them and all of their peculiarities. And relationships being about compensating? Totally true. And happy is where's at, Upton.
And Fefe rules. And we can all be Club Kids! I'll be a Club Kid at heart until I have to bring the walker to the Club! LOL
Now, let's dance!
XOXO
Come sit by me. You opening paragraph is like looking in the mirror. Especially the ones who tried to suppress the drag thing. HA! Especially after some even met me that fateful night in drag. What part of drag did they not get the memo on?
ReplyDeleteIt is any wonder I get you?
Oh, Maddie.
DeleteWe do need a Kiki. Did you know that one of the things that I was going to plan with Anne Marie was a road trip? And it's still on the table. Eventually, we're gonna have to sit down with cocktails and we're gonna have a party.
XOXO