Heartstopper

I wish I would have had something like Heartstopper when I was a wee gayling. During high school the only book that I read which kind of had some reference to gay relationships between younger men was Les Amitiés Particulières by Peyrefitte. But it was literally a tragic love story. Not very positive. You see, when I was little, when I read, I always fantasized about the two guys being together: Clark always ended with Jaime. Batman, of course, had Robin. And I never saw that reflected in the movies of books I liked.

When I was growing up there were no shows like Heartstopper, that tells the story of Charlie and Nick, two high schoolers who fall in love. It kind of hit me hard because it reminded me of my falling for a straight boy when I was in eight or ninth grade. His name was Joseph. Joe, to his friends. He was taller than I was (I've never been a tall guy) with long legs that bowed a little, like a cowboy without a horse. He had that way of walking that seemed to take a lot of space but that was very economical in movement. He had big hands and bright green eyes. An easy smile and curly hair. And he was my friend and he basically protected me from the bullies by making me part of his invisible entourage.

I pined for him for two years, I think. He knew I was into him and he just let himself bask in the admiration. He would look into my eyes and hold my hand while we did math homework. He taught me how to climb a rope and introduced me to his older brother who was a year ahead of us and to his friends, who were loud and intimidating. He carried my books and walked me to the school bus. My last year of high school I moved to another city and I never saw him again. I am almost sure he was straight. Or at least probably bi. What I am sure of is that whomever ended up in a relationship with him was a lucky person. 

@aliceoseman

This series brought all those feelings back in a rush. Heartstopper is the story of Nick and Charlie, two high schoolers who meet and fall in love. Charlie is gay and out. Slightly nerdy and kind of lets another boy kiss him on the down low because he's not sure he'll ever have a boyfriends. Nick is part of the rugby team and for all purposes, he's straight. They become good friends and things develop from there. 

Heartstopper is a graphic novel that apparently originated online, on sites like Tumblr, where Alice Oseman self-published it as a serial.  This happened way after my time on Tumblr, which I left after the Great Cleaning, when they scrubbed everything erotica from it and left it almost empty of queer life. But Oseman's graphic novel survived. Maybe because there really is no sex in it. There's gay, bi, lesbian and trans characters in it, though. There's bullies and there's coming out. And there's love. Both the graphic novel and the Netflix series absolutely capture that first stirring of interest in someone. That first pining, that first feeling of finding someone who makes us feel alive and seems to 'get' us.

For a gay boy growing up, there were not many role models or examples of healthy gay romantic relationships in my life. We are bombarded with what people think is the rule: heterosexual dating with strict gender roles assigned: boys ask girls out. Girls say yes (or no and the boy moves on). Rinse. Repeat. There are no really many depictions of queer relationships that describe those first moments of attraction: the thrill, the doubt, the joy of having a boy you really like hold your hand and kiss you. Well, until now.

I got the graphic novel at my local library and burned through the first three volumes like a mania. I am now waiting for the fourth installment to get to me. I'm fifth in a long waiting list. The graphic novel and its spinoffs have become suddenly very popular, with Netflix putting out the show and all that. Surprisingly, it has an almost perfect score on Rotten Tomatoes. And I totally recommend it. Even if you are way past your teens. Even if you are not a romantic, I think you should watch the series. Don't have Netflix? Call a friend and have a viewing party. The episodes are short and make for quick viewing. Feeling anti-social? Go to your local library and ask for the graphic novel. Or just buy them all. For your nephew, you know?

Trust me, no matter how rusty and blasé you think you are, I'm sure Heartstopper will get to that boy you once were who most probably fell for another boy when he was in high school. Or maybe later? And whether you acted on your feelings at that time or not, that is not relevant. What's relevant is what you felt. Go ahead, get lost in that emotion. You can thank me later.

XOXO