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The many times I’ve spoken, for my research, to young Christian men who believe they have a porn or sex addiction, they tell similar stories. One told me that as a teenage boy in his evangelical church, sex and porn were “kind of the popular sin to talk about just because you knew that it was something that every guy was struggling with.” Another young man spoke of his longtime adulthood mission to “win the war and be ready to keep on fighting” against his sexual desires. These men use the language of “sobriety and relapse,” referring to sex and porn, and they told me common experiences about how they came to realize their reputed problem and began attending treatment, sometimes in their church basements. As one put it, when his faith leaders began workshops on the matter, “Every session was just full of people—like there were people standing in the back. That’s what opened the floodgates.”

KELSY BURKE


The excuse that the terrorist who killed eight people in Atlanta has a 'sex addiction' is bullshit, of course. It's one more of the many grifts the xtianists use to get money and control people's sex lives. That, and the post I was reading at Lurkie's where he lampoons the temptations at which we are exposed now that the weather is going to get warmer and men are going to start wearing less clothes are the inspiration for this post. Also,  because he was writing about sin and men and sex and of course I had to read that and come back here and babble about it.

There's many a man who is lead to think that sex is sinful and porn is the gateway to hell. Especially the xtianists and many a man associated with any of the Abrahamic cash cows that peddle a Sky Daddy that controls everything except your dick. Religion makes you believe that Sky Daddy watches when you're touching yourself... yep. you better turn that light off or Jesus will weep. The idea that men are helpless before the idea of sex and that sex is not acceptable outside of the boundaries of marriage is absolut malarkey. 

But the thing is, because I'm a heathen and I got over the whole religion thing early in life (going to an all-boy's catholic school and tempting priests fresh out of the seminary did help, though) that does not mean that all men (gay and straight) get really over the idea that sex is sinful and enjoy sex and porn without blaming either of them for their 'out of control' libido and their raging hard-ons. When people started coming up with the excuse that the terrorist in Atlanta was a 'sex addict' I rolled my eyes so hard I almost fell asleep. And I was not alone.




There's no such thing as sex addiction, of course. It's the underlying problems affecting the person (man, in this case) such as depression and shame that would lead the man to do stupid things and blame sex (or porn) as the root of their lack of control. Conservative, religulous people frame male desire as out of control and people use that as an excuse to justify their need to control what they naturally feel. Or in the case of the Atlanta terrorist, the underlying problems most probably are a combination of inadequacy, white supremacy, entitlement and privilege. Something that many white, cisgender, heterosexual men have in spades. They pathologize sex and frame it within the confines of marriage, demonizing it to the extreme that sex for them is seen as the cause of all evils:

To date, 16 states, with bipartisan support, have passed resolutions declaring pornography to be a public health crisis. Each of these closely resembles an original resolution drafted by NCOSE leaders: All declare pornography to be “biologically addictive,” and most claim that viewing it directly causes violence.

Yep, they're coming for your porn, sweety. If only they'd consider violent, misogynistic video games with the same intensity, no? But those have nothing to do with sex, so they don't care about them. So, the next time anybody tells you that porn is bad and that lusting after men is sinful, just send them my way. I'll bitch slap them out of it. 

XOXO







Comments

  1. As far as I'm concerned, religions are simply mythology believed by people who are in the infancy of humanity. Then, above them, there are those who use religions to control people's minds for various reasons: gain, delusions of omnipotence, delusions of grandeur. They don't care about religion and the various gods, but they use them.

    Then there are those who neither need religions to understand what is right and what is wrong, nor do they need to control anything outside their own life. And they experience their sexuality as a private fact, without putting non-existent divinities in the way.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I absolutely agree. You make fantastic points here.
      I have mentioned that to some people but you know how people get when their Sky Daddy is put in question. I find it slightly irritating but they seem to need those beliefs. What I cannot take is when those same religious people try to control other people's bodies and behavior with their two-thousand-year-old beliefs.
      I can't.

      XOXO

      Delete
    2. They need religion like a stick, because they are too weak. They have no independent judgment skills. So they have to rely on an external value system to guide their choices. Religions exist because they have a function: like a child, who uses special books to learn to read. But once he has learned, as an adult, he can readswhat he wants.

      The problem is when they try to coerce others.

      Delete
    3. and let me add something about addiction to pornography. I have always watched pornography (magazines, movies - first VHS, then DVD and now the immense galaxy of the net) but I have always known and felt that it was a pleasant substitute. I've always been looking for real sex, with men. And even now I refuse to sexting!

      Delete
    4. Agreed!
      It's about power for organized religion. And people know the difference between sex and porn. Well, most people do. Those who cannot understand the difference have many, many other problems, too.
      Haha I don't do sexting, either!

      XOXO

      Delete
    5. However, let me clarify: pornographic sex is sex. A special sex, aimed at filming by whoever has to make the film, and then recombined by the director. But it's sex!

      Delete
  2. Way way back in the day, I did an on-line "cure gay" therapy. One of the exercises was not to touch myself for a couple months and to immediately turn off the tv is there was anything provocative. I can't believe how naive I was. Soon after, I came out fully and I haven't turned back since.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. OMG JM. Really?
      That's something! But it only tells you how people can be manipulated. I think you should write about that experience. You see, it's not too far removed from us, this manipulation that religion attempts in people's lives...
      So glad you got to be you. Some people are not as lucky.

      XOXO

      Delete
  3. And all of this that you wrote is about hetero male porn addiction with the Evangelicals. Us mos' would be beaten, then sent off to some conversion camp in the Dominican Republic. Or, turned out to the streets.

    I've had sex with many married Evangelical preachers (with Conway Twitty hair and loud plaid sports coats) right next door to Billy Graham's compound in Black Mountain North Carolina. It is all Bullshit!

    Jesus can fix you! SEND MONEY!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally true.
      Being gay and suffering fundie families is its own kind of hell. I feel for those kids.
      And I'm with you. I've had sex with many a priest. Bullshit it is and they know it. Hypocrites are in it for the benefits religion gives THEM.
      It's all about money and power to control others. May they all burn in their own private hell.

      XOXO

      Delete
  4. Religion is the opiate we need a rehab for.

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    1. Absolutely.
      I find religion to be a channel for grandstanding self-righteousness. It's all for show and money and power. And a placebo for the feeble minded.
      We shouldn't have it.

      XOXO

      Delete
  5. As I began wondering why the sudden influx of articles regarding sex and porn, here you are with the answer! As I wrote in a post sometime last week: Sex is good. Sex is healthy. Porn is good. Porn is healthy.
    Just incredible, isn't it? Religion is an evil they perpetrate upon a populace in an attempt to control said populace. The shooter in Atlanta himself (by the accounts I've heard) blamed sex and porn. Why? IMO, because he was trying to get out of a hate crime charge. That said, ***anything*** can become an addiction. Anything. If we allow it to happen. (We're not talking about substances, here.) People become addicted to all kinds of things. There is always an underlying issue/cause. But, Jimmy is right. The evangelicals will tell you Jesus will fix all your problems if you simply give that preacher money. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's all about control, Big.
      Control of people's bodies and sexuality, control of their actions and control of their money. It's the perfect tool for sociopaths. And the Atlanta shooter is the product of white supremacy: he felt he could just erase what he thought was troublesome for him, without taking into account they were human beings. He had sexualized Asian women and his religion authorized him to erase them.
      And I agree: it's all for the money. Greedy bastards.

      XOXO

      Delete
  6. Let's ban assault rifles... that's something that actually might have an impact re: saving lives. But no... we will go after your porn because it's low hanging fruit (pun intended) and we can get all the stupid people riled up about THAT instead. Sigh. Same old shit. New pair of drawers.

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    1. I cannot understand the need for assault rifles. They're not useful for hunting. They are killing machines. But they make many people lots and lots of money. It's the business model that people like most.
      Conservatives go after porn because it's not making THEM any money. It's simple.

      XOXO

      Delete
  7. I agree with you. Of all the issues we need to worry about that are far more important ...THIS is what their worried over? FUCK THEM. I know porn stars who have been more charitable then Christians. I do think many of them protest to much. They are often the worst ones. Look how many heads of church and organizations went down because of it. You remember my youth pastor story.

    I at one time did think I was addicted to sex. Between porn and hook ups, at one point I was worried, so much so I went to my doctor. And that was an embarrassing story in itself. The only part that makes it an addiction is when your sacrificing parts of your routine and life for sex, and it starts affecting part of your life. But after two test, it turned out I had very high level of testosterone. But he told me I also have a very healthy libido. He said as long as your safe...enjoy it while it lasts. And it wasn't affecting other parts of my life. Would you believe I think the pandemic actually help me to control it better?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's insane.
      Xtianists pick and choose what is it that they believe in and what is it that they go after. There's nothing christian about their choices: it's all about greed and power. And I do remember that story. Many of us (did you read Jimmy's comment?) have been there.

      And your doctor was right when he told you that a high libido is not addiction. And high testosterone is something some men would consider a blessing! LOL

      XOXO

      Delete
  8. funny, but I like watching 2 hairy beary guys get their freak on. and it doesn't make me wanna pick up a gun and shoot somebody. it DOES help me get my rocks off though! :)

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    1. I know right?
      Watching porn does not make me wanna go fuck the neighbor either! Their excuse of 'a bad guy with a gun...' really does not work. If a bad guy can get a gun, why the hell do they make it so easy to put it in his hands?

      XOXO

      Delete
  9. I’m surprised I haven’t gone out and bought a gun to help dispel the sin of porn and sex. Is that all it takes?

    It would be funny if it wasn’t so damn serious. We need to get rid the dark money which I’m sure comes from the churches in large part, in violation of election laws.

    Sex is as much of an addiction as breathing.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Apparently, sex is much more dangerous than guns. At least in their stupid minds. And churches need to be taxed. I promise you only a few would be left standing.
      Sex is good. They just cannot take the idea that they cannot control it.

      XOXO

      Delete
  10. I had a friend who kept telling people he was a sex addict, so I finally correct him. I said, "Mel, you're not a sex addict, you're just a slut." He didn't like the truth.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hahaha
      Oh, poor Mel. Hope he found someone with whom he is able to share his addiction. It's always much more fun that way...

      XOXO

      Delete

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