Bad Boyfriend

I want your love, and I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

I want your love, and all your lover's revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

BADROMANCE

I constantly joke about YouTube being like that ex that low key stalks you but when we talk about exes, sometimes it's not really a joke. This past week I talked to my exe's widower (he passed away four years ago) and I remembered why is it that we stayed friends after our breakup: we were friends before we got together. We were friends before we even had sex. Our friendship was the foundation of our relationship. I miss him.

I am one of those men who stays friends with his exes most of the time. You add a U-Haul and some Birkenstocks and I'm a lesbian, literally. I've really only had two exes that have been absolute asshoes after we broke up. I guess the fact that I did not want to keep feeding the one exe's ego was probable cause for him not talking to me anymore and my refusal to take the other one back when HE wanted it was why he basically emailed all my friends and told them I had left him penniless. 

So my one ex broke up with me to fuck an engineering student he had met while living with me. Our relationship was on the rocks because he had stopped taking antidepressants to be able to have sex with me and that literally drove him crazy. We broke up and kept living together because it was convenient for both of us but it was a shitshow: he was fucking my replacement in the bedroom next door and I had to put up with it, but when I started dating men and they would pick me up at home he was utterly jealous. It was not pretty. After that, I moved out and we kept seeing each other. He literally saw me every day. We had dinner together three times a week. It was disconcerting. I had to go to therapy because I was so confused. My my therapist told me I had to stop seeing him and when I told him that, he was not pleased. At all. We never talked again.

My other ex broke up with me and started fucking somebody more than twenty years his junior. I took the pieces of my life, put them all together and found somebody new. I did keep talking to my ex, though (because I'm an idiot), and he decided he wanted me back. I told him I would never, ever would go back to him. He flew in a fury and emailed all my friends and told them I had basically stolen money from him (he gave me that money but then made me sell personal possessions to repay him). He also sent explicit pictures of him with other men to some of my friends, perhaps to show them how 'happy' he was without me. After he left me, friends came out of the woodwork to tell me horror stories detailing how he tried to control all aspects of my life behind my back. I was speechless. Funny thing? Once somebody told me that when he described his ideal man he was literally talking about ... me. 

But my other exes? We are friends still today. I think it's important to have a strong foundation in your relationship, so in case you break up the lover leaves but the friend stays. You loved that man, so there must have been something in him that made you make him the most important part of your life for whatever amount of time you were together. Come on! One of my exes is to this day, one my best friends. I even let him help me with investments and my retirement because I'm dumb as a doorknob when it comes to all that. Really. 

So watching this video I suddenly thought about my exes and why is it that I keep being friends with some of them. Also why I miss Joe so much. I know those bad ex-boyfriends think I'm the asshole. They probably have horror stories about ME, but that's none of my business anymore. 

XOXO