Oh, Mr. Haynes...

@COLTONHAYNES

My mental health deteriorated, and I grew dependent on alcohol and pills. When a doctor suggested my secret was making me sick, I knew he was right. I came out of the closet in an interview with Entertainment Weekly in 2016. I hoped it would set me free, and in some ways it did. An outpouring of support followed. But people also published think pieces saying it had taken me too long; another gay actor implied the way I’d done it was cowardly. And incidentally, the work mostly dried up. When I was closeted, I beat out straight guys to play straight roles, and I played them well. Now, the only auditions I get are for gay characters, which remain sparse. Is that because I’m not very good? Maybe. But that didn’t stop me from booking roles before. It’s no different for the young gay actors I see coming up today, trying to make it in a system that isn’t built for them.

To be a gay actor in Hollywood, even in 2021, is to be inundated with mixed messages: Consumers are mostly straight, so don’t alienate them. But lots of the decision-makers are gay, so play that game! Now that I’m older and sober, I’m trying to square who I am with the inauthentic version of myself I invested in for years. I often wonder how different things would’ve been if I were allowed to be who I was when I moved to town: a hopeful kid confident in his sexuality.

COLTONHAYNES 

I used to gawk at Colton Haynes when he was on Teen Wolf. Then he was on Arrow and I followed him there. Such a handsome man. I had heard all the rumors about him but I didn’t really know if he was gay. To me, he was one more of the gaggle of eye candy on tv doing homoerotic shit in the series. But there always is a story behind the pretty faces we see on the screen. What I didn’t know was how tortured he was.

His story came back to mind this week when I read that an ex boy toy of Bryan Singer was letting it all hang out in VARIETY. Not surprising, but still sad. Somebody called Blake Stuerman was talking about how terrible his time with Bryan Singer was. As opposed to Colton, Blake got chewed up by the dream machine. He got to Hollywood with dreams of stardom and getting it on with Bryan Singer was his ticket to do that. He didn’t count on the voracious appetite of the powerful, always in search of the next fresh face.

Colton came out and even though he says he fought for (and got) roles intended for straight actors, his career never got to stratospheric heights. But he kept true to himself and don’t let the Hollywood machine chew him up and spit him out. Probably realized who he was right on time. Blake didn’t have as much luck. He never got the roles he dreamt with and after seeing his career going nowhere, now he’s telling his story with Singer. But Blake knew what he was signing up for. The writing was on the wall and on all those young men (of age) he saw were ‘invited’ to the parties he was attending.

Bryan singer was a very well known and successful director. He basically put the whole super hero movie in the map. He’s also notorious for liking men who look young and handsome. Of legal age, of course, but you know my drift. And Blake was one of those men. Now he’s kind of washed up and very, very bitter. I don’t know if this is going to be the straw that’s gonna break the camel’s back with Singer. Or if Colton will have a similar story to tell in his upcoming memoir. The only thing I know is that I really want to read his memoir, after reading his piece in Vulture. It’s a story as old as the Hollywood hills: person wants to be in showbiz, person tries their luck. Luck sometimes mean the casting couch, sometimes luck means being at the right place at the right time.

I kind of feel for Blake but I admire Colton for having persevered and kept working towards his dream. The last time I saw him he was in one of LilNasX’s music video, playing a prison guard. Now he’s got a memoir coming out soon. He’s a fighter. I like that. I had never heard of Blake Stuerman before. I don’t know if I’ll hear from him again. He thought Singer would make him a star. Can you imagine how many guys got it on with Singer because they thought he’d make that a star? Probably dozens and dozens.

There’s always been men like Bryan Singer in Hollywood. Powerful gay men who tell gay actors they have to be closeted while fucking them out of their dreams. But there’ll always be men like Colton, who do not let the system destroy them and their beauty. The casting couch is not going away because straight men started that fire (Harvey Weinstein, anyone?). I do feel sympathy for survivors of sexual assault, but Blake made his bed. And laid on it  

Kudos, Mr. Haynes. Good luck with your book. It’s in my list of books to read next year right now. And who knows, maybe by telling your story less men will have to tell a story similar to Blake’s and more will be successful staying true to themselves.

XOXO 

@COLTONHAYNES

#HAPPYPRIDE