QUEER

Queer is an umbrella term for people who are not heterosexual or are not cisgender. Originally meaning "strange" or "peculiar", queer came to be used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires or relationships in the late 19th century. Beginning in the late 1980s, queer activists, such as the members of Queer Nation, began to reclaim the word as a deliberately provocative and politically radical alternative to the more assimilationist branches of the LGBT community.

WIKI

I understand why some people prefer 'queer' to just 'gay'. What I don't understand is why some gay men do not like the term 'queer' at all. The excuses I usually get is the one Michael's friend gives: that the term 

'Queer' was used for the longest time as a sulr, and that they don't like it. Or that they are gay and want to be with gay people (that usually means white cisgender gay men who 'pass', natch).

I am one of those people who think that some words -like Queer- need to be de-weaponized because once we take the piss out of the insult, all is left is just another word. As gaylings (those of us who have never been in the closet) we have suffered our share of snide comments or downright bullying from society at large, especially in the dreaded hallways of high schools. Queer has always been the insult of choice of the jocks and the cheerleaders because 'Gay' was not terrible enough. Oh, yes, I understand that some people may have some slight PTSD when they hear the word, that's totally justifiable. 

What I don't understand is that desire to exclude others who are just not like us, as is the case in Michael's friend: he's a gay man who only wants to be among gay men. No women, no 'queers'. I call fuckery. I do know some gay men who only want to hang out with other men who look just like them: men who do not remind them of who they were. Many a gay man has used the gym and the years after high school to totally erase that queer kid who got pushed against the lockers. It's a shameful and painful memory that they have tried to vanish by getting into battle rope exercises, crunches, dumbbells and crossfit. But apparently that little queer kid is still living inside them, underneath the six pack and the spray tan.

I don't mind the term Queer. I am peculiar and somehow strange, to some people. And I like people who are peculiar and strange. They may not be interesting to other people, but they are interesting to me. They always have great stories to tell, insight into society and how it works and many have fabulous clothes. People tend to forget that Queer includes gay. Gay does not preclude Queer. I feel the difference is made to mark a division between what's 'normal' or assimilationist and what's still considered fringe or 'not normal'. The term Queer is used by some gay men to differentiate themselves from 'those other people', the ones with the hair dye in neon colors, the ones with the clothes that The Gap does not sell, the ones with the eye makeup, the ones who just don't fit at the Thanksgiving or Xmas table. 

I think it's time to reclaim the term Queer once again. I'm still going to be a cisgender gay male, so what if being Queer is just part of that identity? Society at large seems to think so. I also like the fact that Queer Theory and Queer studies have become more part of the curriculum that people are seeing in more colleges and universities and are not just part of Women's Studies, as it was the case when I was in the classroom. I like the idea that for many, 'Queer' is seen as a more cerebral take on the whole LGBTQ experience. Because for  self-identified Queer people, being smart is the best weapon they have against those who do not like that word.

XOXO

#HappyPride